1 Thessalonians 5:22, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”
TOOL ONE: “Be Careful…What Goes In Is Coming Out!”
Being single and abstinent can seem difficult these days due to the highly “sexually” influenced things we see and hear each day. But being sexually active as a single just won’t cut it in the Kingdom of God, so there has to be a way to curb such urges. Being a virgin before marriage is hardly promoted these days, so most singles in this day have either been married before, or have been sexually active before. Many single people feel that God understands the urges they have and they should be able to ‘get some’ every now and then to take the edge off, because after all, God made sex a good thing right? Well, yes, it is a good thing, but for married couples only! So what you must do is trace the urges back to their source. James 1:13-15, “Don’t let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, “God is trying to trip me up.” God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one’s way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from US AND ONLY US. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of OUR OWN lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.” (MSG). You have to trace your own triggers! Because, what you put into yourself is what you desire for yourself: “For as he thinketh in his heart, SO IS HE…” (Proverbs 23:7).
You must understand that if you’re single, movies that include sex scenes, songs that encourage making love or lust, magazines/novels that you read, and television shows that portray sexually active singles can play the villain when you’re trying to abstain. The devil uses these images and lyrics to feed the need in your mind and awaken your sexuality. I know many are saying, “it doesn’t affect me”. But for ‘Normal People’ that buy hamburgers, because they walked pass and it smelled good, or for people that buy nice clothes because you saw someone wearing it and it looked good on them, …what we see and hear affects us! Truth is, for many of us, our senses (except our common sense that is) has gotten us into much trouble over the years! And I don’t know about you, but I CAN be influenced. And if you can be influenced by anything in this life, then the media is playing a very big part in how you feel about your sexuality. But God wants to influence us, and it’s simple. If you’re watching Christian Television, reading Christian literature, and surrounding yourself with Christians, then you will be more influenced by godly things and people, than the world! 2 Corinthians 6:11-18, “Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: “I’ll live in them, move into them; I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people. So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good,” says God. “Don’t link up with those who will pollute you. I want you all for myself. I’ll be a Father to you; you’ll be sons and daughters to me.” The Word of the Master, God.” (MSG) Thus, it will be easier to abstain when you separate yourself from those who don’t!
Think about it like this: if you put a plain bagel, a whole wheat bagel, and a cinnamon raisin bagel all in the same bag with an onion bagel, guess which smell will be the most prominent?! The one with the strongest scent, the onion bagel! Likewise, what/who you spend your time with, that influences you the strongest, is the one you will come out smelling like, thinking like, behaving like, acting like! Therefore, if you want the fragrance of Christ on your life, you can’t hang around being influenced by the foul odor of sin that is a stench in the nostrils of God!
Which further means, it’s time to even check your music! Songs about making love are not for singles! I’ve always been a huge fan of Teddy Pendergrass myself, but I got a feeling Neyo is more the speed for this generation. But lyrics like [“I can feel her on my skin, I can taste her on my tongue, she’s the sweetest taste of sin, the more I get the more I want”] are not lyrics that keep you OUT the bed—but usher you IN it! Remember, your senses are dangerous when they are not kept under control!
Which is why you also have to check your literature. Even Christian fiction books that graphically depict sex scenes should be avoided. I was reading one Christian novel and had to stop because I was getting images in my head of the scene between the Pastor and the Deacon’s wife! So yes, I know what I’m talking about when I say be careful with so called “Christian Fiction” too.
You also have to check your movies! If you’re planning to be an abstinent single, you have to pick and choose your entertainment carefully. You should avoid movies with nudity and sex scenes at all costs! Stop stirring that stuff up! 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].” (AMP) No matter the temptation, no matter its strength or source, you are never tempted beyond human resistance! That’s why you have to keep a tight rein on your mind and protect your spirit from the things that tempt you. You can’t keep saying it’s an issue, a struggle and a stronghold, when God said, it’s not more than you can handle because I already provided you with a way of escape! You just need to learn how to pray for discernment to see it and wisdom to take it! The good thing is God can create a new heart and transform you by renewing your mind! Romans 12:1-2, “Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies [dedicating all of yourselves, set apart] as a living sacrifice, holy and well-pleasing to God, which is your rational (logical, intelligent) act of worship. And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].” (AMP) But, you have to change your habits so your mind and heart are guarded daily from the things that the enemy wants to put in them. Anything you’re reading or listening to, if you don’t have Peace close the book or turn off the song. Philippians 4:7, “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Peace is your guard. When peace is absent, your mind and heart are unguarded and the enemy has unlimited access! So Be Careful…What Goes In, Is Coming Out!
Proverbs 3:6, “Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” (NLT)
TOOL #2: “When Seeking a Spouse FIRST Seek God”:
The vow of marriage is just that—A Vow! Therefore, we cannot experiment with casual dating, premature intimacy, and multiple simultaneous relationships. It’s a must that we learn to follow God, even while we’re in the dating stage. Singles, God must lead you! Although many single’s conferences will tell you that there’s no match made in heaven, and that you choose your spouse on your own, I beg to differ that that is the most ideal plan. Because my Bible tells me that “In ALL your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him (God), and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” Proverbs 3:6 (AMP). The admonition is not to seek God’s approval after your choice, but to seek God before ever choosing! Acknowledge Him in ALL your ways, not a few, not some, not just the ones you’re comfortable with, but in ALL your ways! Which includes seeking a spouse. Think about it, how can you see into the future? How could you ever know, with the stakes so high, that you’re choosing the right woman or man? You can’t, unless you’re led by the Spirit of the Lord. I refuse to believe that God won’t lead us to the spouse of His choosing, if we seek Him before attempting to seek them! He makes it clear when He says, “Call unto Me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.” (Jeremiah 33:3) Saints, that includes your spouse! Listen: Your spouse is your gift. And according to the Word of God, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down FROM THE FATHER…” James 1:17. Now I know you want a spouse that’s good and perfect…for you. Well, the only way to get him or her is “…from the Father.” Think about it, with society’s methods of raising children and exposing them to all kinds of spirits as they’re growing up, there’s no telling these days what kinds of issues you’re marrying into. Therefore, God must be first in order to be heard! God is not to lead from behind, you must follow Him! You are not to walk after the flesh, but AFTER the SPIRIT, and listen to Him as He leads you into His perfect plan for your life. “…I KNOW what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” Jeremiah 29:11. If God can speak to you about everything else concerning your life, why can’t He speak to you about that man or woman of your dreams too? Why can’t He say Yea or Nay before you say “I do?”
I encourage all of you singles to find yourselves and your place in God first. Don’t pursue people, pursue God. Wait until you hear the voice of God about your life, your future, and your purpose. Until the Bible speaks to you, don’t do it! Until you’re sure that God is leading you, don’t do it. Don’t leave your destiny to chance! If you believe God can lead you to the right job, or the right career, or can empower you to cast out devils, and heal the sick, why can’t you believe that He can show you who your spouse should be? If He can show us spirits, surely He can show us a spouse! Trust God. Something as important and lasting as the marriage covenant should not be taken lightly and before you’re ever blessed to marry the person of your dreams, you must first become a blessing for them! So seek God, and you’ll find your God-Given spouse along the way.
Matthew 6:33, “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers-most of which are never even seen—don’t you think He’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.” (MSG) And that includes your human concerns about a spouse! God can be trusted to guide you, but you first have to follow Him and His directions. When seeking a spouse, don’t get so lost in finding them, that you lose sight of finding Him first!
Mark 10:9, “What therefore GOD HAS UNITED (JOINED TOGETHER), let not man separate or divide.” {AMP}
Third Admonishment, Let the Maker Match You:
When do you know that you have found your mate? Well, the first issue to be addressed is, what does God say about this person? This is why it’s so important to stay Sexually Pure and Spiritually Minded before you begin to date a person! If you nurture your relationship with God, Beforehand, then you will be able to hear Him about the person you are interested in. If you are involved with this person sexually, then you will Not know whether they are from God or the devil because you have already become ONE with them.
Again, I know many preachers and pastors say that there is no “match made in heaven”, but I believe that to be a lie! I would not want any mate that wasn’t designed by God for me. Think about it: Why would God custom build Eve for Adam and not make a mate for you too? Remember, the Bible says, “In ALL your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” (Proverbs 3:6 AMP). It Does NOT Exclude Marriage From That, But In Fact He Said In ALL Thy Ways! God desires to lead and guide us in EVERY area of our lives, especially in Marriage! Truth is, how in the world could we ever use our finite minds to choose a life-long spouse anyhow? “Finite” literally means “Limited in Size or Extent”. We Are Limited! However, God Is Infinite! And “Infinite” literally means “Limitless in Space, Extent, or Size; Very Great in Amount or Degree”. So Why Would I Chance Making a Life-Long Decision With Limited Wisdom When I Can Go To God, Who IS Limitless Wisdom?
I honestly believe this is why divorce is so prevalent among believers today. We are choosing based on chance or our feelings and lust, or people who pair us up thinking we “look like” a good match together, instead of hearing what God says about it! I am convinced that God will not let a “Good Man” find a bad wife if he is living right before Him (and we cannot use Hosea, because he was a specific man given a specific assignment to a specific people. The focus and purpose of his marriage to an ungodly woman was to get God’s people to see the spiritual adultery they had committed against Him). Likewise, I am convinced that a “Good Wife” will not be subject to chance when she marries because God has custom made her as a helpmate for someone. God is more detailed than that and there is a person that is created to match you! That’s how big I feel God is and you cannot tell me that He allows us to blindly enter into a relationship with the wrong person!
God says He delights in giving “good things” to His children, {“…the Lord bestows [present] grace and favor and [future] glory (honor, splendor, and heavenly bliss)! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly” Psalm 84:11 AMP}, so if you ask for a perfect match will He not give that to you? Of course no one is perfect, but they can be “Perfect” For You!
However, the most important thing BEFORE marrying anyone is to Make Sure YOU Are Secure In Who You Are! You must find your purpose in God and your place in the Kingdom of God to be a good candidate for marriage! If you have not tapped into your God given potential PRIOR to a marital commitment, then you may suffer turmoil in your relationship trying to find yourself while you take care of your mate. Which will be a breeding ground for resentment and contempt! That is what Paul was saying to the church at Corinth. 1 Corinthians 7:8, “I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that Singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me.” {MSG}
Don’t get me wrong, marriage is a Good Thing, but if you can Wait until you Mature as a Believer, it would be Better! Men, you cannot be a good husband if you don’t know who you are! Women, you cannot be a good help meet if you cannot even help yourself! This is another reason why it’s so dangerous to play sexual and emotional games while dating. If you get too close, you will be blinded by lust and attraction and you will not be able to hear what God is saying! This person may be the devil in disguise. How can we see the future? We cannot! We must rely totally on God and God will be faithful to speak to us if we know how to hear Him. But if we aren’t secure in ourselves then we will jump at the first thing that makes us feel better about who we are. And my friend, that’s God’s position! Until you get to the point where God Alone can make you feel good about who He made you to be, you should not even consider marrying. People say communication is key to a good marriage, but I beg to differ. Maturity is the key to a good marriage. Anybody can communicate! Even children communicate! But it takes Maturity to Communicate Effectively! You Need to Grow Up First! When You Know Who You Are, You Don’t Spend Your Entire Marriage Hoping That Your Spouse Can Validate, Confirm and Define You! People don’t mind their Marriage being a Project that they work on Together with their spouse. However, NO One Wants to Marry a Person That’s a Project that requires 24/7, 366 Work Days! Marriages Will Stay Together If We Learn To Get Ourselves Together, BEFORE MARRIAGE!
Unfortunately, people like to have fun with the opposite sex and date haphazardly, but that’s a dangerous game. If you play with fire, you will get burned! Remember: Dating Has a Different Definition When It Comes to Believers! So, Why THINK she may be the one? Why HOPE he may be the one? Why not simply WAIT and hear the voice of God who will make your selection a sure thing? Remember: “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!” {Proverbs 3:5-8 MSG} Again God’s Word Admonishes: “‘…Call to me and I will answer you. I’ll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.‘” {Jeremiah 33:3 MSG} As well intentioned as your boys are, as well meaning as your girls are, there is no one’s voice of approval better than that of Your God! Trust Him, Tell Him, Talk to Him, and most important, Ask Him! Let Him tell you who HE Custom-Designed For You! After all, who better to talk to about a Product, than the Manufacturer?!
There will Never be Someone Perfect, but there is Someone Perfect FOR YOU! Don’t leave it to chance, luck, the psychic, or the fly-by-night Prophet declaring your spouse will come right after your $100 is sown into the Kingdom of God! We are by far God’s most Intelligent Creatures, so Stop Making Stupid Decisions as though you don’t know any better! Besides, you don’t have to be a Genius to know Common Sense Says to the Godly, “Consult God!” Your Destiny and Purpose can be tragically hindered by hooking up with the wrong person! “Or do you not know and realize that when a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? The two, it is written, shall become one flesh.” {1 Corinthians 6:16 AMP}
WARNING: WHATEVER YOU ATTACH YOURSELF TO, YOU BECOME ONE WITH! AND THAT ONENESS IS DESIGNED TO REMAIN IN TACT FOR LIFE! THEREFORE, ARE YOU REALLY WILLING TO RISK BEING ATTACHED TO DESTRUCTION INSTEAD OF DESTINY…FOR LIFE?! I THINK NOT! So, my single believers, learn the voice of God before you become subject to the voice of a life-long bad choice.
Proverbs 18:22, “Find a good spouse, you find a good life—and even more: the favor of God!” {MSG} And how do you know when you’ve found a “Good” spouse? Just ask the Originator of GOOD! “And GOD saw everything that HE HAD MADE, and behold, IT WAS VERY GOOD (SUITABLE, PLEASANT) and HE APPROVED IT COMPLETELY.” {Genesis 1:31 AMP} So, if you want a Good, Suitable, Pleasant Spouse that God Approves of Completely…GET THEM FROM HIM!
The next time someone tells you there is no such thing as “A Match Made In Heaven“, take them to Mark 10:9, “What therefore GOD HAS UNITED (JOINED TOGETHER), let not man separate or divide.” {AMP} Did you catch that? God Gets the Credit For Uniting and Joining Together, Man Gets the Credit for Separating and Dividing! So when you’re ready to be Attached, Remember Let the Maker Match You! After all, that’s Living Biblical!
Galatians 5:19-21, “It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.” (MSG)
Ephesians 5:3-4, “Don’t allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.” (MSG)
Ephesians 5:11, “Do not participate in the worthless and unproductive deeds of darkness, but instead expose them [by exemplifying personal integrity, moral courage, and godly character];” (AMP)
1 John 2:16, “For all that is in the world—the lust and sensual craving of the flesh and the lust and longing of the eyes and the boastful pride of life [pretentious confidence in one’s resources or in the stability of earthly things]—these do not come from the Father, but are from the world.” (AMP)
Colossians 2:11, “In Him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not made with hands, but by the [spiritual] circumcision of Christ in the stripping off of the body of the flesh [the sinful carnal nature],” (AMP)
“Singles, finding your value is not tied to finding your mate. God has a plan for You.” (Tony Evans)
“Embrace Being Single: So what if you’re alone right now. Embrace it. Go get coffee alone. Shop alone. Drive alone. Watch movies alone. Get to know yourself. Nothing bad can come from riding whatever wave to self-improvement you’re blessed with in the moment.” (Author Unknown)
“Being single is smarter than stupidly being in the wrong relationship.” (Author Unknown)
“Instead of ‘single’ as a marital status, they should have ‘independently owned and operated.” (Author Unknown)
“Don’t be the woman who needs a man; be the woman a man needs.” (Author Unknown)
“Being single means you’re strong enough to wait for what you deserve.” (Niall Horan)
“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.” (Mandy Hale)
“A strong woman builds her own world. She is one who is wise enough to know that it will attract the man she will gladly share it with.” (Ellen J. Barrier)
“Appreciate being single because that’s when you grow the most and with that growth, you come to know what you’re looking for.” (Daniel Goddard)
“Sometimes, ‘I’m Single’ means ‘I’m drama free, less stressed and I refuse to settle for less.” (Author Unknown)
“Being with no one is better than being with the wrong one. Sometimes, those who fly solo have the strongest wings.” (Author Unknown)
“Being single isn’t a time to be looking for love. Use that time to work on yourself and grow as an individual.” (Author Unknown)
“If you aren’t happy being single you will never be happy in a relationship. Get your own life and love it first, then share it.” (Author Unknown)
“Single doesn’t mean you don’t know anything about love, it just means you know enough to wait for it.” (Author Unknown)
“Being single is much better than being lied to, cheated on, and disrespected.” (Author Unknown)
“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well. Like, it’s working out, I think I’m the one.” (Emily Heller)
“When you stop trying to find the right person and start becoming the right person, the right one will eventually find their way to you.” (Author Unknown)
“Single isn’t a status. But it’s a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.” (Author Unknown)
“Wait for the person who will do anything to be your everything.” (Author Unknown)
Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged #ShareTheWord
Feel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “Foods That Make You Feel Better”
Feel free to join us at: http://www.chefshermainesbiblecafe.home.blog Today’s Chef Special Word “LAYERS”
LETS STAY CONNECTED!
Daily Dose With Dr. Shermaine: https://dailydosewithdrshermaine.wordpress.com
Facebook: DrShermaine Franklin-Sanders
Instagram: dr_sys
LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/dr-shermaine-y-franklin-sanders910019142/
Twitter: Dr_Shermaine
Pinterest: drsys321
Google: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+DrShermaineYFranklinSanders
Daily Dose With Dr.Shermaine 