“Don’t Save the Flowers for the Funeral!”

1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore encourage and comfort one another and build up one another, just as you are doing.” (AMP)

If it’s one day I remember vividly it is the day it aired that our beloved Princess Diana had died. Yet, when Princess Diana died, I still don’t believe anyone could have ever predicted the massive public outpouring of love and grief that came from the British people in the week following her death. Maybe you remember that sea of flowers that enveloped the front of Buckingham Palace and Diana’s personal residence at Kensington Palace. You couldn’t get anywhere near the gates! The flowers seemed to stretch out endlessly! Someone who had been close to the Princess said, “Diana had no idea she was loved like this.” That’s sad but not unique!

I’ve never been to a funeral anywhere near the scale of Princess Diana’s. But I have been to a lot of funerals. And there are lots of flowers there. Not just the kind with petals, but I mean verbal flowers! You hear people talking about how much that person meant to them, about their strong points, about special qualities or experiences that touched the life of the one who was giving the tribute.

However, it would be much more affirming to that departed person if only they could’ve received those verbal flowers in life. If only they could, in essence, smell all the flowers that are suddenly coming their way. I can’t help but wonder -and even consider for myself how many of us have told him/her these wonderful things while they could still appreciate them?

One of my devotional Scriptures for today was 1 Thessalonians 5:11. It’s simple, but it’s strong medicine. “…encourage and comfort one another and build up one another.” That needs to be shared in every home; every work place; every classroom; every church. “…encourage and comfort one another and build up one another.” That’s one of those commands from God that would be really great to display wouldn’t it?

However, too often, we are very communicative about what we don’t like that a person is doing. The criticisms, the put-downs, the sarcasm, the complaining, oh they come pouring out really quickly. So most of us have a good idea of what’s wrong with us, because we have a lot of help finding that out from others. But you literally have to train your mind and train your mouth to look for and to express what you do like about that person; what strengths God built into them; what they do right. Things you should thank them for, what they’ve done that’s helped you or ministered to you. Instead of waiting to hear the words, “in profound sorrow…” In essence, let’s stop saving the flowers for the funeral!

People are by no means perfect, NONE OF US ARE! We are all flawed, broken, damaged, and imperfect. We get things wrong, we think, speak, feel and act wrong. But that’s not all the time! Everyone has something absolutely wonderful about them. How great would it be to highlight that, just once, while they’re still alive to appreciate it?

At funerals, and home-going services, I’m often floored by the great words people speak, the experiences they share, and the emotions they express. But I can never shake the question from my mind, “I wonder if they did all that while the person was still living?”

Think about it: How many people in your life help you, support you, encourage you, provide for you, protect you, love you, laugh with you? How many people in your life are you able to call and talk to, to share, to lean on, to depend and rely on? How many people in your life have been there for you during the ups, downs, mean in between times; the good, the bad, the ugly, the insane? Now think, do they know you appreciate it and them? Have you told them? If not, what are waiting for? If so, why not tell them again?

As for me, I’ve always been the type of person who’s not all that crazy about receiving gifts, words and cards on valentine’s day, my birthday, mother’s day, Christmas etc…No, I’m a bit more mushy! I love flowers (just because it’s Tuesday); I love hearing I love (in the laundromat); I love dressing up and going out to dinner (at Applebee’s); I love an unexpected gift (for absolutely no reason); I love cards (that aren’t attached to any holiday, and especially cards that are written from the person, not the perfectly worded Hallmark tradition). I love hearing ‘thank you’, and when I ask ‘for what?’ the response is simple, ‘for everything.’ I love random hugs that have nothing to do with ‘turn to your neighbor and embrace them.’ I guess in essence, I love those imperfect, untimely gestures of affection and appreciation. Not those attached to a time of year, a birth, holiday or worse a death. Think about it, the last time someone showed you a sign of love and appreciation, that was completely unexpected and not related to anything in particular, how great did that make you feel? Now, wouldn’t it be awesome to do that for someone else, so they can join in on such a great feeling?

I wonder what would Princess Diana’s response have been, if she simply woke up one morning and looked out her window and saw that massive parade of flowers, for no other reason than ‘we love you and want you to smell your flowers while you still can?’

Well, truth is, you don’t have to do anything quite that elaborate, but there are people in your life that need to hear your love, see your love, feel your love, and even smell your love. And why not express it NOW, when you get to SEE the joy it brings them, while they are alive!

Why wait until the funeral to bring beautiful flowers that they can’t see, smell or appreciate? Why wait until the funeral to tell the whole sanctuary and all of social media how wonderful a mother she is; how great a father he is; how beautiful your children are; how loving your church family is; how compassionate your leaders are, how phenomenal your wife is; how loving your husband is. Why wait to tell them they preached a great sermon, taught an inspiring lesson, prayed a powerful prayer, cooked a delicious meal? Why wait to tell him how handsome he is or how beautiful she is? Why wait to say good job, well done, you did great, I’m proud of you, I knew you could do it? Why wait to buy flowers; a card; dinner; go to the movies; out dancing; sight-seeing; skating; skiing; painting? Why wait to call, leave a voicemail, send a text, email or letter? Why wait to pay them a visit, buy a silly gift in their favorite color or cartoon that will be sentimental, thoughtful, loved and appreciated? Why wait? Because one day, you’ll wait too long and miss a moment that becomes only a memory.

The people in your personal world are people in desperate need of regular encouragement. So might I ask you a personal question: How well are you doing with that?

You know, I love what the word “encourage” means. It’s defined as “to give support, confidence, or hope to; to help or stimulate the development of.” Its French Origin “encourager”, from “corage”, literally means “courage.” And “courage” is defined as “the ability to do something that frightens one; strength in the face of pain or grief.” It’s Old French Origin “corage”, from Latin “cor” literally means “heart.” And that’s exactly what you give to people when you encourage them, you literally give them your heart, which is literally to give them your love! Your heart is the very core of you, how special it is to share with someone the very center of you? Can you imagine how special someone would feel to know they have your heart? Well, that’s what you give people when you encourage them, your heart, your love. And something that tender, meaningful, and special should never be held hostage until the words “in profound sorrow…” are spoken.

When you encourage someone, you are literally putting courage into them. You ever see the face of a child who is terrified at something, only to have them look towards the voice saying “go ahead, you can do it, I’m right here, I won’t let it hurt you, I’m not going anywhere, go for it, I believe in you.” With that thought, there’s a commercial that I love. It’s a mom holding onto her son’s bicycle, and he turns and looks at her and says, “don’t let go!” She responds, “I won’t!” (But she does anyway…lol) However, he doesn’t fall, but neither does he turn around to see if she was still holding on. Makes me wonder, if just hearing her say she wouldn’t let go, was enough? Just those few words of confidence and encouragement, and off he went peddling his heart out with a smile!

How many people in your life need to hear you speak words of confidence and encouragement like that to them?

Let’s be honest now, truth is, we all have a terrible tendency of getting familiar, comfortable, used to and even too busy for. And that can be a disaster to any relationship/friendship. It’s good ground for sowing bad seeds of complacency, taking advantage of and taking for granted. You almost get into a place of expectancy: (‘that’s what they always do, that’s what they should always do’), even without your thanks and appreciation. But what happens when the husband who rubs your feet at night doesn’t wake up the next morning? What happens when the wife who keeps the household afloat, closes her eyes for the last time? What happens when the children don’t make it home from school? What happens when the fire and flood destroy all the things you never took time to notice and appreciate before? What happens when the friend moves, and the friendship moves on too? What happens when mom doesn’t return from her usual doctor’s visit? What happens when the bus jumps the curb where dad was standing? What happens when grandpa now has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t remember you? What happens when grandma is bound to her wheelchair and can no longer get to all the family functions? What happens when you promised over the last 6 months that you would call your favorite aunt, only to hear the sad news that she’s passed on? What happens when the uncle who took a million pictures at your every function has now lost his sight?

You see, in the blink of an eye, anything can happen! So, why assume and take for granted that you will always have tomorrow, when there’s nothing further from the truth?

Job 14:1-2, “Man who is born of woman lives only a short time and is full of trouble.  He grows up and dries like a flower. He leaves like a shadow and does not stay.” (NLV);

Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to use wisely all the time we have.” (CEV);

James 4:14, “Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen in your life tomorrow. [What is secure in your life?] You are merely a vapor [like a puff of smoke or a wisp of steam from a cooking pot] that is visible for a little while and then vanishes [into thin air].” (AMP)

Yes, that’s just how life is! Short, full of trouble, grows, dries and leaves. Nothing and no one is secure, for we don’t know the least thing about tomorrow (if it ever comes around again). Which is why we should use wisely all the time we have.

Would I consider this a gloomy message? Absolutely not! It’s a challenge, it’s an empowerment, it’s an opportunity, it’s a message to rethink and appreciate those you ‘say’ you love. It’s motivation to celebrate life (and all those who make up your life). It’s to shift you from the temporary to the eternal. It’s to make you change for the better. Sadly enough, we as believers, live in this world as if we’re never to leave it. And that my friend is a dangerous way to live. Our goal isn’t a house on the earth, but a mansion in the sky. Heaven is our hope and home. We are mere travelers, visitors, aliens, guests, sojourners temporarily walking through this earth. The goal isn’t to build a life you can’t leave, but to build up loved ones, who know how much you really love them (no matter who leaves here first). I’ve always said, I want to take care of my parents in such a way, that when they leave this earth, I can laugh more than cry because I did right by them. And I pray you will live the same way. Encourage others, appreciate them, celebrate them, thank them, build them up, after all, it’s what we are commanded to do (not suggested)!

And truth is, some of us come from a background where there wasn’t much praise, there wasn’t much encouragement, so it’s hard for us to give what we never got. But you of all people should know then how much it hurts not to get it. So, today, ask the Lord to give you eyes to see the positive in the people around you and to give you the words to tell them what you see (while they can still hear your words, apply them, appreciate them, and become better because of them).

When you praise someone, thank someone and compliment that person, when you tell them the good things you see in them, you are doing what the Bible calls “building them up.” What’s the alternative? Tearing them down. However they treat you, your job is to be like Jesus and to give them the gift of encouragement. Some of the difficult people in your world may be difficult only because they’ve had so little encouragement.

Whatever nice things you might say at a person’s funeral, why not decide Today to say them Now, to their Face? A pile of flowers after they’re gone won’t do a thing for them. But your flowers now could make a big difference if you give the flowers to them when they can still enjoy them.

The person you’ve been saying for the longest “I’m going to call her, visit him, go out to eat with them”….GO!!! Stop hesitating, stop procrastinating, stop making excuses, stop assuming tomorrow is guaranteed on your to-do-list, because it’s not, not for any of us!

Don’t Save Anymore Flowers; Don’t Wait For Anymore Holidays, Events or Special Occasions! Don’t Save the Best China For Once a Year! Don’t Assume They Know How You Feel About Them and What They Really Mean to You! Today, Express It, Show It, Say It, Share It!

I’m sure Princess Diana knew she was loved, but certainly not to the degree that was expressed…when it was too late for her to see it, hear it, feel it, or smell it!

So, I’m here as your little reminder to enjoy life and to enjoy your loved ones (expressively, verbally and if you’re anything like me, in the silliest ways possible!) Don’t hide your love, release it, show it, TODAY!

In closing, my children think I go a bit overboard on this one! Because my daughters are 28 and 25 and I still kiss them, hug them, play in their hair, send them silly text messages, cook their favorite foods, tell them I love them, buy them silly stuff, and even wait up for them to get home. Because I never want them to wonder about my love, care and appreciation for them in my life. As for my husband, he can’t eat beef or pork, so when I cook dinner (which is almost every night), even if I cook pork or beef for myself, I still cook a separate meal for him. Why? Because even the smallest of gestures convey love and appreciation for the people in your life that you ‘say’ you love. And sometimes that will require you to do a little more than you really feel like doing on somedays. However, when he praises my cooking ability, and even goes so far as to take pictures of his dinner and keep them stored in his phone in a “my wife’s dinner” file, something about that just makes me smile and feel appreciated, valued and loved. You see, it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate! Most often people just need to hear “I love you, you’re important to me, I value you, I missed you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, can we start over, can I help you with that?” Or maybe just a post it on the fridge as you’re leaving the house before your spouse or children that says, “I love you, enjoy a great, safe day!” It doesn’t take much to do something simple, yet heartfelt to convey to your loved ones that you do in fact love them. You can pull out her chair; you can iron his slacks; you can open the door for her; you can pour a glass of juice to go with his dinner; you can bring a stuffed animal home for the kids (and not because it’s their birthday or holiday, but simply because you want them to See that you think about them throughout the day. And believe it or not, but kids need that kind of reassurance of your love too!) You can pick up dinner on the way home or make surprise reservations or whip up some franks and beans (if you’re really not skilled in the kitchen). The whole point is for your loved ones to see, hear, feel, taste and smell your verbal expression of flowers! Why wait for “in profound sorrow”, when you can show love “just because it’s Saturday”?

Family and Friends, enjoy a beautiful day and please know my heart of thanks to you for your friendship, following, support and encouragement are dear to my heart. You don’t have to do what you do, but you do…lol! And so today is my day to practice my own preaching…I LOVE YOU, I THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE YOU, I CELEBRATE YOU, I LOOK FORWARD TO ALL THE GREAT THINGS GOD IS GOING TO DO THROUGH YOU, I BELIEVE IN YOU! Please receive this as my verbal flowers to you this day!

“We’re here to give you your flowers while you live.” (Barbara Knox)

“Don’t come to my funeral to show how much you cared about me. Show how much you care about me now…while I’m alive.” (Daily Inspirational Quotes)

“Appreciation is learning to give flowers while people are still living.” (Joel Osteen)

“Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.” (Anne Frank)

“Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine to the soul.” (Luther Burbank)

“Appreciate the people in your life now, you have no way of knowing how long they’ll be here. Show your love now. Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, they can be gone in an instant.” (LoveAndSayings)

“Appreciate the people who fill the spaces in your life or one day, when you least expect it, those spaces will be empty.” (LoveAndSayings)

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged

Feel free to also join us at: www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “20 Holiday Health Mistakes to Avoid!”