“Healing Self-Inflicted Scars”

Proverbs 19:3, “PEOPLE RUIN THEIR LIVES BY THEIR OWN STUPIDITY, SO WHY DOES GOD ALWAYS GET BLAMED?” (MSG)

We arrived at church one Sunday morning and my husband had a scratch on his face. It was really obvious too, especially since a spot of blood was still present, but most people didn’t mention it. In fact, they were very nice. But then there are those who – like me, unfortunately – hate to miss an opportunity to “bust someone’s chops”. So, of course, I had a few people say to me jokingly, “Elder, you better stop beating on your husband!” And naturally, my comedian of a husband had no problem with his wife taking the blame, so he kiddingly went along by saying, “I’ve been telling people for years she’s little but lethal!”

NOW FOR THE TRUTH: He was blasting Fred Hammond and dancing…while shaving! In other words, HIS SCARS WERE COMPLETELY “SELF-INFLICTED”!  

This incident reminded me of the quote: “The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.” (Robert Bloch).

Now, as comical as that was, the truth of the matter is, it’s always convenient to blame someone else for something that was really OUR OWN FAULT! J. Paul Getty said: “A man may fail many times but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.”  

Believe it or not, but sometimes, we even go so far as to not only blame others, but to blame God, WHEN THE SCARS ARE REALLY SELF-INFLICTED! The reality is: “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” (Unknown Author).

You see blame, much like temptation, is our “OWN” fault! That’s why the Bible admonishes us: “Don’t let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, “God is trying to trip me up.” God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one’s way. The temptation to give in to evil COMES FROM US AND ONLY US. WE HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME but the leering, seducing flare-up of OUR OWN lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.” (James 1:13-15 MSG).  In case you missed it, the key is, “…The temptation to give in to evil COMES FROM US AND ONLY US. WE HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME but the leering, seducing flare-up of OUR OWN lust…” In other words, there is no one else to blame but the individual you see looking back at you in the mirror every day! So if the reflection shows the hair is a mess, the makeup is smudged, there’s food in the teeth, YOU, and only YOU are responsible to fix it! And that’s in the natural. However, the same principle applies to you spiritually! If you see your attitude is nasty; your language is filthy; your mind is dirty; your moods and emotions are erratic; your heart is unclean; your desires are impure; YOU and only YOU are responsible to fix it! If you’ve allowed your mouth to cause harm, YOU fix it; if you’ve allowed your actions to damage someone else’s life, YOU fix it; if you know you’ve said something wrong, done something wrong, thought something wrong, felt something wrong, YOU fix it! If you’ve damaged someone’s reputation; assaulted their character; disrespected their integrity; ruined their reputation; lied on them; gossiped about them; spread rumors about them; caused any form of injury to them or their loved ones, it is YOUR responsibility alone to fix it! No one else is held accountable for repairing what you ripped apart!

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” (Wayne Dyer).

It’s interesting to hear God’s perspective on this issue from our text, which is a really incredible little verse. “A man’s OWN FOLLY ruins his life, YET HIS HEART RAGES AGAINST THE LORD” (NIV) Now, let’s see what the other translations have to say about it:

“The foolishness of man undermines his way [ruining whatever he undertakes];
Then his heart is resentful and rages against the Lord [for, being a fool, he blames the Lord INSTEAD OF HIMSELF].” (AMP)

“We are ruined by OUR OWN stupidity, though we blame the Lord.” (CEV)

“People ruin THEIR LIVES with the foolish things THEY DO, and then they blame the Lord for it.” (ERV)

“The stupidity of a person turns his life upside down, and his heart rages against the Lord.” (GWT)

“A man may ruin his chances by HIS OWN foolishness and then blame it on the Lord!” (TLB)

“People’s OWN foolishness ruins their lives, but in their minds they blame the Lord.” (NCV)

“The foolish acts of man make his way bad, and his heart is angry toward the Lord.” (NLV)

In other words, this foolishness is all your fault! As the saying goes, you broke it, you fix it! Yes YOU! So stop trying to get everybody to bring a tool kit to your life and repair your self-inflicted damage! Truth is we take 50% of our woes and blame it on the devil and the other 50% we blame on God. Where does that leave us? With nothing to take personal accountability for! However, 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” (AMP). In that one verse ‘I’ is repeated 6 times! Each time addressing what the person did (“TALKED, THOUGHT AND REASONED LIKE A CHILD”), therefore, it only makes sense that when it was time for a change, that same person, and only that person, was the one held accountable to make the change (“I DID AWAY WITH CHILDISH THINGS.”). You will never obtain maturity until you take full responsibility for putting your immaturity away! This is a solo job, and you are the only employee hired to work on it! So, get to work!

Let’s be honest, much of what hurts us, is based on the deliberate decisions WE made for US! The devil didn’t do it, and he didn’t make you do it! And God is not punishing you, your punishment is of your own doing for what you decided to do, without God! Enough is enough! Today is the day you take personal responsibility for your own life! You will no longer make Choices, then assign your Consequences to others, the devil or God!

Now, that’s what you call the “HONEST TO GOD TRUTH”! After all, how many times have you heard someone say, “How could GOD let this happen? How could GOD do this to me?” WHEN, IN FACT, THEY’RE ONLY REAPING THE HARVEST OF THEIR OWN MISTAKES – AND THEIR OWN DELIBERATE BAD DECISIONS! A great quote says, “You have nobody to blame but yourself if you stumble more than once over the same stump.” And how many of us are guilty of that very thing? Which means, if the last affair scarred you, why would you do it again? If the alcohol and drugs almost cost you your life before, why would you do it again? If the last gossip split your church, why would you do it again? If running away from your problems only led you right back to them, why would you run again? And yet, we find ourselves stumbling over the same stump instead of going in a different direction altogether! Which means, the problem has nothing to do with the stump being Moved, the problem is that you keep coming back to same place to Visit it! Think about it: If you turned the corner on Franklin Street and ran into a brick wall, how many more times are you going to keep turning back down that same Franklin Street expecting a different result? Sounds a lot like the quote: “Insanity is doing the SAME thing over and over again, expecting DIFFERENT results!” You can’t continue repeating the same things thinking you will get a different result, that my friend is INSANITY! Which should not be found among believers whose God has said to them. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of SOUND JUDGMENT AND PERSONAL DISCIPLINE [ABILITIES THAT RESULT IN A CALM, WELL-BALANCED MIND AND SELF-CONTROL].” (2 Timothy 1:7 AMP) You don’t get to plead insanity when God has given you a well-balanced mind! Such conduct contradicts His command.

REMEMBER, THE DRIVER IS TO BLAME FOR WHERE THE CAR ENDS UP! But far too often, we blame God for where we end up, WHEN WE’VE BEEN DOING THE DRIVING ALL ALONG! I believe Gabriel Meurier said it right: “He who excuses himself accuses himself.” No more excuses, it’s time for the church to stop grooming lifetime babes in Christ and come to full maturity! Hebrews 5:11-14, “I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you’ve picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one—baby’s milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God’s ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong.” (MSG)

Then, 1 Corinthians 3:1-4, further admonishes: “But for right now, friends, I’m completely frustrated by your unspiritual dealings with each other and with God. You’re acting like infants in relation to Christ, capable of nothing much more than nursing at the breast. Well, then, I’ll nurse you since you don’t seem capable of anything more. As long as you grab for what makes you feel good or makes you look important, are you really much different than a babe at the breast, content only when everything’s going your way?” (MSG) Do you really want that to be all that can be said of you? After all this time in your walk with God your still on baby’s milk, acting like an infant, and nursing at the breast of immaturity? No, it’s time to take ownership of our lives and mistakes, and accidents and deliberate bad choices and consequences and decide today, to do and become better!

In fact, this may be an issue in your life right now. I for one can certainly assure you, it’s been an issue in mine, Plenty of times. You know where things have gone wrong and messed up for you and you end up being inflicted by scars in the process, and now you’re allowing them to come between you and your God?! But maybe, just maybe, could it possibly be, that your scars are, at least in part, SELF-INFLICTED?! You know how the saying goes: “A bad workman always blames his tools.” (Proverb). So, is it at all possible that you neglected some things that you should have taken care of? Have you allowed some things that are really important to slip; to be crowded out by some things that really weren’t all that important in the first place? Stephen R. Covey said, “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” Far too many of us are blaming others, and even blaming the devil and God for things that are going wrong, WHEN THE TRUTH IS: WE’RE NOT DOING RIGHT! “To find a fault is easy; to do better may be difficult.” (Plutarch). Therefore, “Walk straight, act right, tell the truth. Don’t hurt your friend, don’t blame your neighbor…” (Psalm 15:2-4 MSG). NOW THAT’S SOME GOOD, SOUND, BIBLICAL ADVICE! BLAME NO ONE…BUT YOU!

IN ADDITION, A LOT OF US ARE SIMPLY REAPING SOME RESULTS TO OUR OWN STUBBORNNESS AND REFUSAL TO DO IT GOD’S WAY! “But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; THEN you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God).” (Galatians 5:16 AMP). God’s been trying to lead you in a different direction, maybe even convicting you of some sinful attitude, action, relationship that you need to change, or a wrong way you’ve been treating others. God’s Word to you just may be Isaiah 48:18, “IF YOU ONLY HAD PAID ATTENTION TO MY COMMANDS, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.” How often our pain is the result and the harvest of our OWN selfishness, our OWN bad choices, our OWN messed up priorities, our OWN lack of character, integrity and faithfulness, our OWN hasty words, our OWN lies, and the things we’ve neglected, or the people we’ve abused?! And to have peace of mind, all we would’ve had to do is PAY ATTENTION TO GOD’S COMMANDS! Maybe today is a good day to start doing that, don’t you think?

“Some favorite expressions of small children: “It’s not my fault…They made me do it…I forgot.” Some favorite expressions of adults: “It’s not my job…No one told me…It couldn’t be helped.” However, TRUE FREEDOM BEGINS AND ENDS WITH PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY” (Dan Zadra).

People of God, enough is enough with the “…rage against the Lord“. THIS IS A TIME TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE RESULTS OF OUR OWN CHOICES! In the words of Stephen R. Covey: “There are three constants in life…change, choice and principles.” So, let today be a new beginning for you, so tomorrow’s harvest will be better, instead of barren! 

Remember, the healing of the prodigal son began when, according to the Bible, “HE CAME TO HIMSELF” Today, we determine not to blame others or the devil, and certainly not to blame God. BUT TODAY WE ACCEPT ACCOUNTABILITY AND RESPONSIBILITY TO TREAT OUR OWN SELF-INFLICTED SCARS!

Today we decide to apologize to those we’ve hurt, intentionally or not. Today we address all the things we’ve been ignoring. Today we admit it was us, it was our fault, it was our stubbornness, it was our slothfulness, it was our disobedience, it was our pride, it was our lust, it was our jealousy and envy, it was our competitiveness, it was our arrogance, it was our need for validation and approval, it was our pettiness, it was our bitterness, anger and resentment. Today we take ownership of what we’ve deliberately chosen to do to infect our own lives with the poison that’s about to kill our dreams, hopes, vision and purpose. Today we point no fingers, we simply put our hands to work in fixing our own lives. Yes, God takes excellent care of us, but He wouldn’t have given us brains if we weren’t supposed to use them. We are intelligent beings, and today we start to act like it. If we can make a decision to do wrong, certainly we can now make the decision to do right. But it all starts with us addressing US! 

“Blaming your faults on your nature does not change the nature of your faults.” (Indian Proverb). So no more pointing fingers, no more ‘if she hadn’t did’ or ‘if he hadn’t said’; ‘if I grew up living there’; ‘if I had the money’; if they supported me more’; ‘if the job didn’t’ etc… NO, PERSONAL GROWTH STARTS WITH PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!

“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results.” (Kenneth Blanchard). If you’re not just interested, but committed to receiving healing for yourself, then make a mature start today by being honest and admitting that most of your scars are in fact self-inflicted! Nothing to do with him, her, them, that place, or that thing. It was your own hand that inflicted your own pain and thereby your own scars, and it will be your own hand that helps them to heal!

Homework: 2 Samuel 12th Chapter, let David and Nathan minister to you about self-inflicted scars and their consequences. Which is another thing in and of itself. Because David had Nathan, and likewise, you need a Nathan too. If you are to develop into full maturity as one that takes full accountability for their life, you need to make sure you are in the right company and not associated with the wrong companions! 1 Corinthians 15:33, says, “Do not be so deceived and misled! Evil companionships (communion, associations) corrupt and deprave good manners and morals and character.” (AMPC). Which means you need to surround yourself with people who are not afraid to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth about YOU! Avoid people who will throw a cover over your flaws, and instead attach yourself to people who will call you on the carpet! People like this, don’t allow you to live just any kind of way. They are important and vital to your walk and work. Find them and never lose sight of them!

Today, Love You Enough to Heal Your Own Self-Inflicted Scars! It’s No One’s Responsibility, But Your Own!

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons or the wind, but you can change yourself.” (Jim Rohn) 

“When bad things happen, resist the urge to blame others. Instead, find something you can do yourself to fix the problem.” (Dave Ramsey) 

“Accept responsibility for your actions. Be accountable for your results. Take ownership of your mistakes.”  

“Personal accountability requires mindfulness, acceptance, honesty and courage.” (Shelby Martin)

“The moment you take responsibility for Everything in your life is the moment you can change Anything in your life.” (Hal Elrod)

“Responsibility is accepting that YOU are the cause and the solution of the matter.”

“It is not only what we DO, but also what we DO NOT DO for which we are accountable.” (John Baptiste Moliere)

“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” (Abraham Lincoln)

“Accountability is the glue that ties commitment to results.”

“Accountability is essential to personal growth, as well as team growth. How can you improve if you’re never wrong? If you don’t admit a mistake and take responsibility for it, you’re bound to make the same one again.” (Pat Summitt)

“When you choose your behavior, you choose your consequences.” (Dr. Phil)

“The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.” (Steve Maraboli)

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged #BeHealed
Feel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “Alcoholism in Black Women”