“Stop Complaining!”

“Do everything WITHOUT COMPLAINING…” (Philippians 2:14 NIV)

Two groups of psychology students were wired for recording purposes, and assigned a period to socialize freely. One group KNEW the experiment would measure the level of complaining in normal conversation; the other group DID NOT. Afterwards, BOTH groups were shocked by how frequently they complained. The group in the “KNOW” complained almost as much as the group “UNAWARE” of what the experiment was aiming to achieve! It’s the oldest response in the book – LITERALLY! Confronted with our choices and actions, we spontaneously start complaining! ‘It was their fault, not mine; If they hadn’t… I wouldn’t have.’

Adam needed no lessons in the art of complaining! Caught red-handed, he told God, ‘…The woman whom YOU gave to be with me, SHE gave me from the tree, and I ate.” What happens next? “…the woman…[Eve]… said, “The SERPENT deceived me, and I ate” ‘ (Genesis 3:12-13 NASB). If you think about it, the only one NOT complaining was the serpent! Neither, Adam nor Eve accepted Responsibility for their Choices! And since God doesn’t help people who won’t be responsible, He threw the complainers out of Paradise!

If they ever subsequently ‘got it’ regarding complaining, THEY DIDN’T TRANSMIT IT TO THEIR OFFSPRING, ISRAEL: How do I know? The Bible says: ‘One day THE ISRAELITE’S STARTED COMPLAINING about their troubles. The LORD HEARD THEM and became so angry that he destroyed the outer edges of their camp with fire.’ (Numbers 11:1 NIV). Notice, all complaining is ‘in the hearing of the Lord’, and HE CLEARLY DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IT! Paul writes, ‘DO NOT COMPLAIN as some of them did; they were killed by the angel that destroys. The things that happened to those people are examples. They were written down to teach us…’ (1 Corinthians 10:10-11 NCV).

People of God, clean up your verbal act! Decide to detect, reject and eject all complaining from your vocabulary!

“Everyone has to make their own decisions. I still believe in that. You just have to be able to accept the consequences without complaining.” (Grace Jones).

Simply put: COMPLAINING IS TOXIC! IT CONTAMINATES BOTH THE COMPLAINER AND EVERYONE WITHIN EARSHOT! Complaining reminds you a lot of what Hebrews 12:15 says about BITTERNESS: “Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the MANY BECOME CONTAMINATED AND DEFILED BY IT” (AMP).

LIKE BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT, COMPLAINING CONTAMINATES AND DEFILES MANY!

Sometimes we even think we’re ‘HELPING’ by complaining. We maintain, ‘If somebody doesn’t say something, nothing’s ever going to change!’ – AS THOUGH POSITIVE CHANGE CAN COME FROM NEGATIVE WORDS! We imagine we’ve contributed something worthwhile by our complaint. BUT COMPLAINING IS WHAT WE DO TO AVOID FACING, DEALING WITH AND SOLVING THE PROBLEM! IT’S WHAT WE DO INSTEAD OF CONTRIBUTING TO CONSTRUCTIVE CHANGE; AND IT MAKES US APART OF THE PROBLEM INSTEAD OF THE SOLUTION! THE MORE YOU COMPLAIN THE MORE PROBLEM-FOCUSED YOU BECOME, AND THE MORE PROBLEM-FOCUSED YOU BECOME THE MORE YOU COMPLAIN!

ULTIMATELY, YOUR COMPLAINING AFFECTS YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE! The Psalmist said, ‘…I COMPLAINED, AND MY SPIRIT WAS OVERWHELMED… ‘ (Psalm 77:3 NKJV). If no one else pays attention to your words, YOU DO! BEFORE YOU EVER SAY THEM…YOU THINK THEM: ‘…out of the abundance of the HEART the MOUTH SPEAKS’ (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). The Message Bible says it like this: “…YOU HAVE MINDS LIKE A SNAKE PIT! How do you suppose WHAT YOU SAY IS WORTH ANYTHING WHEN YOU ARE SO FOUL-MINDED? IT’S YOUR HEART, not the dictionary, THAT GIVES MEANING TO YOUR WORDS. A good person produces good deeds AND WORDS season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: EVERY ONE OF THESE CARELESS WORDS IS GOING TO COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU. THERE WILL BE A TIME OF RECKONING. WORDS ARE POWERFUL; TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. WORDS CAN BE YOUR SALVATION. WORDS CAN ALSO BE YOUR DAMNATION” (Matthew 12:34-37 MSG).

Again: keep in mind: If no one else pays attention to your words, YOU DO! BEFORE YOU SAY THEM YOU THINK THEM IN YOUR HEART, WHICH MAKES WHAT YOU SAY, DELIBERATE! And when you say them, you hear them and believe them just as you would the words of a trusted authority! Every Time You Repeat Them You Reinforce Their Power Over You Until Eventually You Make Yourself The Victim of Your Own Complaints! “FOR AS HE THINKS WITHIN HIMSELF, SO HE IS…” (Proverbs 23:7 NASB). Your Spirit (Attitude) Will Be Overwhelmed, Not By the Problems and Difficulties People Bring to You, BUT AS THE SELF-INFLICTED PRODUCT OF YOUR OWN COMPLAINTS! “WORDS KILL, WORDS GIVE LIFE; THEY’RE EITHER POISON OR FRUIT—YOU CHOOSE” (Proverbs 18:21 MSG). So, why not just follow this advice: “DO ALL THINGS WITHOUT GRUMBLING AND FAULTFINDING AND COMPLAINING [AGAINST GOD] and questioning and doubting [among yourselves], That you may show yourselves to be blameless and guiltless, innocent and UNCONTAMINATED CHILDREN OF GOD without blemish (faultless, unrebukable) in the midst of a crooked and wicked generation [spiritually perverted and perverse], among whom you are seen as bright lights (stars or beacons shining out clearly) in the [dark] world,” (Philippians 2:14-15 AMP).

Don’t let Thomas Fuller’s quote be descriptive of your life: “We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed.”

Many of you may ask, “Isn’t complaining really just about words?” NO, IT’S MUCH MORE THAN THAT!

FIRST, COMPLAINING HANDS YOUR POWER OVER TO THE PEOPLE AND CIRCUMSTANCES YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT, MAKING YOU FEEL LIKE THEIR VICTIM! It diminishes your ability to think of solutions, conditions your mind negatively, and blocks your ability to receive creative ideas from God! POSITIVE SEEDS DON’T GROW IN NEGATIVE SOIL! YOU CAN’T NEGATIVELY COMPLAIN AND POSITIVELY CREATE SIMULTANEOUSLY! ‘Does a fountain send forth [SIMULTANEOUSLY] from the SAME opening fresh water and bitter? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine figs? Neither can a salt spring furnish fresh water.’ (James 3:11-12 AMP).

COMPLAINTS ARE VERBAL EXPRESSIONS OF NEGATIVE BELIEFS! THEY CANCEL POSITIVE INTENTIONS AND CONFESSIONS, RENDERING YOU POWERLESS TO REAP THE GAINS GOD OFFERS! COMPLAINING FOCUSES ON A PAST YOU CAN’T CHANGE! IT KEEPS YOU SCAVENGING IN YESTERDAY’S DEBRIS, SEARCHING FOR EVIDENCE ABOUT ‘WHO DID WHAT’ AND ‘WHEN AND WHY’, WHILE YOUR PRESENT IS TOO FRUSTRATED TO FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT YOUR FUTURE IS FRUITLESSLY SLIPPING AWAY!  

SECOND, COMPLAINING IS TOXIC TO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS: ‘Your flip and callous arrogance in these things bothers me. You pass it off as a small thing, but it’s anything but that. Yeast, too, is a “small thing,” but it works its way through a whole batch of bread dough pretty fast. So get rid of this “yeast.” Our true identity is flat and plain, not puffed up with the wrong kind of ingredient. The Messiah, our Passover Lamb, has already been sacrificed for the Passover meal, and we are the Unraised Bread part of the Feast. So let’s live out our part in the Feast, not as raised bread swollen with the yeast of evil, but as flat bread—simple, genuine, unpretentious.’ (1 Corinthians 5:6-8  MSG). AS A SMALL AMOUNT OF YEAST WORKS ITS WAY THROUGH A WHOLE BATCH OF BREAD DOUGH, COMPLAINING WORKS ITS WAY THROUGH AND INVITES OTHERS TO COMPLAIN TOO! INJECTED POISON (NO MATTER HOW SMALL) IS TOXIC TO EVERY PART OF THE BODY! Bear In Mind: The word “Toxic” means “Poisonous”! Its Latin Origin “Toxicum” literally means “Poison”! And the word “Poison”  means “A Substance That Causes Death or Injury When Introduced Into or Absorbed By a Living Organism; A Destructive or Corrupting Influence; to Contaminate or Prove Harmful To” It’s Old French Origin means “Magic Potion” which comes from a Latin Origin “Potio” meaning ‘Potion” And ‘Potion’ is Latin for “Drink, Poisonous Draft”. PEOPLE OF GOD: YOUR COMPLAINING INTO THE LIVES OF EVERY RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR LIFE IS THE EQUIVALENT OF POURING A POISONOUS POTION INTO THE LIVES OF YOUR LOVED ONES WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE TO CAUSE DEATH; INJURY; DESTRUCTION; CORRUPTION; CONTAMINATION AND HARM!  SURELY THAT’S NOT THE DESCRIPTION YOU WANT YOUR LOVED ONES TO HAVE OF YOU EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH! YOUR COMPLAINING IS A DEATH TRAP FOR THOSE YOU HOLD DEAR! REMEMBER: YOU THINK YOUR WORDS BEFORE YOU SPEAK THEM, AND THEY’RE SPOKEN FROM OUT OF YOUR HEART: ‘…out of the abundance of the HEART the MOUTH SPEAKS’ (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). SO IT’S VITAL TO GUARD YOUR HEART, SINCE THAT’S WHERE YOUR WORDS FLOW FROM (NOT TO MENTION YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!): “GUARD YOUR HEART MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE THE SOURCE OF YOUR LIFE FLOWS FROM IT” (Proverbs 4:23 GWT).  AND THE LAST THING YOU WANT “FLOWING” LIKE A “POISONOUS POTION” FROM YOUR MOUTH INTO THE LIVES OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS IS BITTER WORDS OF COMPLAINT!

SUBTLY, YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR WORKPLACE, YOUR CHURCH AND YOUR ENVIRONMENT BECOMES POLLUTED! COMPLAINING POLARIZES RELATIONSHIPS! PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE STRESS, ANXIETY AND NEGATIVITY WILL BEGIN TO DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM YOU! AFTER ALL, WOULD YOU WANT TO CONTINUOUSLY HANG AROUND SOMEONE WHOSE WORDS POSSESS THE POISONOUS POTENTIAL TO KILL YOU?!  ‘The tongue has the power of LIFE AND DEATH…’ (Proverbs 18:21 NIV) – THAT IS YOUR LIFE AND DEATH…AND THE LIFE AND DEATH OF OTHERS YOU SPEAK SUCH TOXIC WORDS TO! So pray DAILY, ‘SET A GUARD OVER MY MOUTH, O LORD; KEEP WATCH OVER THE DOOR OF MY LIPS’ (Psalm 141:3 NIV).

WHATEVER YOU DO PLEASE AVOID COMPLAINING!

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. DON’T COMPLAIN” (Dr. Maya Angelou).

You say, ‘But isn’t it possible my complaint might be legitimate?’ The answer: Yes. Injustice, abuse, betrayal, robbery, gossip, libel, prejudice, physical harm against you or your family, and so on, Are Legitimate Causes! Then you say, ‘And if I don’t do something about these, won’t I be failing in my responsibility?’ The answer: Right again! You are called to be salt and light in this world, resolving problems that arise by practicing spiritual principles in your daily life. To do nothing at such times makes you irresponsible and disobedient to God! HOWEVER, COMPLAINING about it is NOT doing something about it, at least Not By God’s Definition! You say, ‘All right, since God is against complaining, then how do I handle Legitimate Complaints?’ Glad you asked!

First, DO NOTHING UNTIL YOU’VE TALKED WITH GOD! “I will praise the LORD, Who COUNSELS ME; even at night…” (Psalm 16:7 NIV); “The COUNSEL OF THE LORD STANDS FOREVER…” (Psalm 33:11 AMP). YOU’LL ALWAYS CHART THE RIGHT COURSE IF YOU TAKE TIME TO GET THE RIGHT COUNSEL! And who’s the right counsel? “CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU AND TELL YOU GREAT AND UNSEARCHABLE THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW” (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV).

Also keep in mind, PRAYER CLARIFIES YOUR OPTIONS AND ADJUSTS YOUR PERSPECTIVES! That’s why the Bible says, “Don’t fret or worry. Instead…PRAY. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into PRAYERS, Letting God Know Your Concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Philippians 4:6-7 MSG).  This will Defuse Your Anger, Restore Your Objectivity and Rational Thinking!

Note: YOUR SECOND MOVE IS MORE LIKELY TO SUCCEED IF YOUR FIRST MOVE IS TO SEEK GOD FOR WISDOM: ‘If any of you LACKS WISDOM, He should ASK GOD, WHO GIVES GENEROUSLY…’ (James. 1:5 NIV); “COUNSEL IS MINE, AND SOUND WISDOM: I AM UNDERSTANDING; I HAVE STRENGTH” (Proverbs 8:14); “And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, THE SPIRIT OF WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING, THE SPIRIT OF COUNSEL AND MIGHT, THE SPIRIT OF KNOWLEDGE AND OF THE FEAR OF THE LORD;” (Isaiah 11:2). SEEK GOD FOR COUNSEL AND WISDOM AND YOU’LL BECOME LIKE DANIEL: “THEN DANIEL ANSWERED WITH COUNSEL AND WISDOM…” (2:14). THE KEY IS COUNSEL…NOT COMPLAINING!

Second, BEFORE YOU SAY OR DO ANYTHING, PERFORM AN ATTITUDE CHECK! Stop and ask yourself, ‘What’s my real agenda here? Is it to show them that I’m right and they’re wrong? Is it to come away looking good while I make them look bad? Is it to win a personal victory or to solve the problem in a way that glorifies God?’ Robert A. Cook shares some good advice: “Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn’t take any brains to complain.” So, before you Speak, Check what’s in your HEART: ‘…FOR THE MOUTH SPEAKS OUT OF THAT WHICH FILLS THE HEART’ (Matthew 12:34 NASB). When your Heart Attitude Pleases God, you’re ready to handle any Legitimate Complaint! “Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [EVER] COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, But Only Such [SPEECH] AS IS GOOD AND BENEFICIAL TO THE SPIRITUAL PROGRESS OF OTHERS, AS IS FITTING TO THE NEED AND THE OCCASION, THAT IT MAY BE A BLESSING AND GIVE GRACE (GOD’S FAVOR) TO THOSE WHO HEAR IT” (Ephesians 4:29 AMP).

When your Complaint is Legitimate, ALWAYS AND ONLY TALK TO THE PERSON WITH WHOM YOU HAVE THE ISSUE! When you’re upset, your Temptation will be to tell everybody else! It feels right, justified, and even therapeutic! Well-meaning friends will encourage it, and even help you publicize it. ‘You’ll feel better when you’ve got it off your chest,’ they’ll say. But God’s Word condemns handling complaints that way! Do it, and you add insult to your own injury by disobeying God – and you can’t expect Him to cooperate with you while you violate His Word! And what does His Word say? ‘If your brother wrongs you, Go and Show HIM His Fault, Between YOU and HIM PRIVATELY. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother’ (Matthew 18:15 AMP). Courage, Humility and Wisdom are Required to face your offender PRIVATELY, but it’s God’s Way. It contains the conflict, minimizes embarrassment and increases the likelihood of resolution and restoration, which is God’s real concern. “But all things are from God, Who through Jesus Christ RECONCILED us to Himself [received us into favor, brought us into harmony with Himself] AND GAVE TO US THE MINISTRY OF RECONCILIATION [that by WORD AND DEED we might aim to bring others into harmony with Him].” (2 Corinthians 5:18 AMP).

Next, SPEAK IN LOVE, NOT IN WORDS MEANT TO HURT! Let your words be Gracious, Conciliatory and aimed at Solution, not ‘one-upmanship’. “LET YOUR SPEECH AT ALL TIMES BE GRACIOUS (PLEASANT AND WINSOME), SEASONED [AS IT WERE] WITH SALT, [SO THAT YOU MAY NEVER BE AT A LOSS] TO KNOW HOW YOU OUGHT TO ANSWER ANYONE [WHO PUTS A QUESTION TO YOU]” (Colossians 4:6 AMP). The Bible gives additional counsel: ‘Rather, let our lives LOVINGLY EXPRESS truth [in all things, SPEAKING TRULY, Dealing Truly, Living Truly]. Enfolded in LOVE, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).’ (Ephesians 4:15 AMP). Your growth in Christ is the End; speaking truth in love is the Means. Tell the offender your goal is not to humiliate them or to get revenge, BUT RATHER TO RESOLVE YOUR DIFFERENCES, STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND ABOVE ALL ELSE, HONOR GOD! INSTEAD OF MAKING AN ADVERSARY WHO’LL OPPOSE YOU, YOU’LL BE INVITING AN ALLY TO JOIN YOU IN A MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL, GOD-GLORIFYING MISSION! Never forget: “A BROTHER OFFENDED IS HARDER TO BE WON OVER THAN A STRONG CITY, AND [THEIR] CONTENTIONS SEPARATE THEM LIKE THE BARS OF A CASTLE” (Proverbs 18:19 AMP). BELIEVERS ARE TO BE ONE ANOTHERS’ ALLY…NOT ADVERSARY!

Third, DON’T MAKE A COMPLAINT, MAKE A REQUEST! However legitimate your gripe, you’ll be heard as COMPLAINING- which will greatly reduce the likelihood of a good outcome. Whatever the cause, you’re more likely to get what you ask for graciously, than you are to cure what you’re complaining about. Therefore, asking, ‘Would you be willing to do this [a preferred specific behavior] rather than that [the old behavior]?’ is respectful, clear, avoids argument over past issues that can’t be changed, and always brings a better result. Remember: “The speech of a good person is worth waiting for; the blabber of the wicked is worthless.” (Proverbs 10:20 MSG). COMPLAINING CURES NOTHING!

Fourth, ALRIGHT, YOU’VE SAID IT, NOW LET GOD WORK! Changing people is God’s job, SO BACK OFF, BE PATIENT AND LET HIM HANDLE IT! ‘But doesn’t somebody need to supervise them to be sure they change?’ you ask…Well, unless they’re behind bars and you’re their prison guard, the answer is NO! Get out of God’s way and let Him do what you can’t! He has ways and means you never dreamed of. When He’s allowed to take over the job it always gets done properly! “I Don’t Think the Way You Think. The Way You Work Isn’t the Way I Work.” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above earth, So the Way I Work Surpasses the Way You Work, and the Way I Think is Beyond the Way You Think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So Will the Words that Come Out of My Mouth Not Come Back Empty-handed. They’ll Do the Work I Sent Them To Do, They’ll Complete the Assignment I Gave Them.” (Isaiah 55:8-11 MSG). YOU’RE ALLOWED TO SAY YOUR PIECE…BUT REMEMBER: YOUR WORD IS NOT THE LAST AND FINAL SAY!

And what should you do while waiting for God to work? Well, you could sit around ruminating, resenting and rehashing the past, OR YOU COULD TAKE LESSONS FROM JOSEPH! He’d every reason to complain about his family’s treatment and to take revenge when the tables turned in his favor. Instead he conscientiously and skillfully did what he had to do, watching for the strategic moments every problem offers, when he could align himself to become part of the solution. Eventually, he did, his family was reunited, and God promoted him to even greater blessings! Learn from him!

“Don’t complain that you are not getting what you want, Just be glad you are not getting what you deserve!” (Anonymous).

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged #ShareTheWordFeel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “Prediabetes Diet”

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“Stop Complaining!”

“Do everything WITHOUT COMPLAINING…” (Philippians 2:14 NIV)

Two groups of psychology students were wired for recording purposes, and assigned a period to socialize freely. One group KNEW the experiment would measure the level of complaining in normal conversation; the other group DID NOT. Afterwards, BOTH groups were shocked by how frequently they complained. The group in the “KNOW” complained almost as much as the group “UNAWARE” of what the experiment was aiming to achieve! It’s the oldest response in the book – LITERALLY! Confronted with our choices and actions, we spontaneously start complaining! ‘It was their fault, not mine; If they hadn’t… I wouldn’t have.’ Adam needed no lessons in the art of complaining! Caught red-handed, he told God, ‘…The woman whom YOU gave to be with me, SHE gave me from the tree, and I ate.” What happens next? “…the woman…[Eve]… said, “The SERPENT deceived me, and I ate” ‘ (Genesis 3:12-13 NASB). If you think about it, the only one NOT complaining was the serpent! Neither, Adam nor Eve accepted Responsibility for their Choices! And since God doesn’t help people who won’t be responsible, He threw the complainers out of Paradise!

If they ever subsequently ‘got it’ regarding complaining, THEY DIDN’T TRANSMIT IT TO THEIR OFFSPRING, ISRAEL: How do I know? The Bible says: ‘One day THE ISRAELITE’S STARTED COMPLAINING about their troubles. The LORD HEARD THEM and became so angry that he destroyed the outer edges of their camp with fire.’ (Numbers 11:1 NIV). Notice, all complaining is ‘in the hearing of the Lord’, and HE CLEARLY DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IT! Paul writes, ‘DO NOT COMPLAIN as some of them did; they were killed by the angel that destroys. The things that happened to those people are examples. They were written down to teach us…’ (1 Corinthians 10:10-11 NCV).

People of God, clean up your verbal act! Decide to detect, reject and eject all complaining from your vocabulary!

“Everyone has to make their own decisions. I still believe in that. You just have to be able to accept the consequences without complaining.” (Grace Jones).

Simply put: COMPLAINING IS TOXIC! IT CONTAMINATES BOTH THE COMPLAINER AND EVERYONE WITHIN EARSHOT! Complaining reminds you a lot of what Hebrews 12:15 says about BITTERNESS: “Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the MANY BECOME CONTAMINATED AND DEFILED BY IT” (AMP).

LIKE BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT, COMPLAINING CONTAMINATES AND DEFILES MANY!

Sometimes we even think we’re ‘HELPING’ by complaining. We maintain, ‘If somebody doesn’t say something, nothing’s ever going to change!’ – AS THOUGH POSITIVE CHANGE CAN COME FROM NEGATIVE WORDS! We imagine we’ve contributed something worthwhile by our complaint. BUT COMPLAINING IS WHAT WE DO TO AVOID FACING, DEALING WITH AND SOLVING THE PROBLEM! IT’S WHAT WE DO INSTEAD OF CONTRIBUTING TO CONSTRUCTIVE CHANGE; AND IT MAKES US APART OF THE PROBLEM INSTEAD OF THE SOLUTION! THE MORE YOU COMPLAIN THE MORE PROBLEM-FOCUSED YOU BECOME, AND THE MORE PROBLEM-FOCUSED YOU BECOME THE MORE YOU COMPLAIN!

ULTIMATELY, YOUR COMPLAINING AFFECTS YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE! The Psalmist said, ‘…I COMPLAINED, AND MY SPIRIT WAS OVERWHELMED… ‘ (Psalm 77:3 NKJV). If no one else pays attention to your words, YOU DO! BEFORE YOU EVER SAY THEM…YOU THINK THEM: ‘…out of the abundance of the HEART the MOUTH SPEAKS’ (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). The Message Bible says it like this: “…YOU HAVE MINDS LIKE A SNAKE PIT! How do you suppose WHAT YOU SAY IS WORTH ANYTHING WHEN YOU ARE SO FOUL-MINDED? IT’S YOUR HEART, not the dictionary, THAT GIVES MEANING TO YOUR WORDS. A good person produces good deeds AND WORDS season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: EVERY ONE OF THESE CARELESS WORDS IS GOING TO COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU. THERE WILL BE A TIME OF RECKONING. WORDS ARE POWERFUL; TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. WORDS CAN BE YOUR SALVATION. WORDS CAN ALSO BE YOUR DAMNATION” (Matthew 12:34-37 MSG).

Again: keep in mind: If no one else pays attention to your words, YOU DO! BEFORE YOU SAY THEM YOU THINK THEM IN YOUR HEART, WHICH MAKES WHAT YOU SAY, DELIBERATE! And when you say them, you hear them and believe them just as you would the words of a trusted authority! Every Time You Repeat Them You Reinforce Their Power Over You Until Eventually You Make Yourself The Victim of Your Own Complaints! “FOR AS HE THINKS WITHIN HIMSELF, SO HE IS…” (Proverbs 23:7 NASB). Your Spirit (Attitude) Will Be Overwhelmed, Not By the Problems and Difficulties People Bring to You, BUT AS THE SELF-INFLICTED PRODUCT OF YOUR OWN COMPLAINTS! “WORDS KILL, WORDS GIVE LIFE; THEY’RE EITHER POISON OR FRUIT—YOU CHOOSE” (Proverbs 18:21 MSG). So, why not just follow this advice: “DO ALL THINGS WITHOUT GRUMBLING AND FAULTFINDING AND COMPLAINING [AGAINST GOD] and questioning and doubting [among yourselves], That you may show yourselves to be blameless and guiltless, innocent and UNCONTAMINATED CHILDREN OF GOD without blemish (faultless, unrebukable) in the midst of a crooked and wicked generation [spiritually perverted and perverse], among whom you are seen as bright lights (stars or beacons shining out clearly) in the [dark] world,” (Philippians 2:14-15 AMP).

Don’t let Thomas Fuller’s quote be descriptive of your life: “We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed.”

Many of you may ask, “Isn’t complaining really just about words?” NO, IT’S MUCH MORE THAN THAT!

FIRST, COMPLAINING HANDS YOUR POWER OVER TO THE PEOPLE AND CIRCUMSTANCES YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT, MAKING YOU FEEL LIKE THEIR VICTIM! It diminishes your ability to think of solutions, conditions your mind negatively, and blunts your ability to receive creative ideas from God! POSITIVE SEEDS DON’T GROW IN NEGATIVE SOIL! YOU CAN’T NEGATIVELY COMPLAIN AND POSITIVELY CREATE SIMULTANEOUSLY! ‘Does a fountain send forth [SIMULTANEOUSLY] from the SAME opening fresh water and bitter? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine figs? Neither can a salt spring furnish fresh water.’ (James 3:11-12 AMP).

COMPLAINTS ARE VERBAL EXPRESSIONS OF NEGATIVE BELIEFS! THEY CANCEL POSITIVE INTENTIONS AND CONFESSIONS, RENDERING YOU POWERLESS TO REAP THE GAINS GOD OFFERS! COMPLAINING FOCUSES ON A PAST YOU CAN’T CHANGE! IT KEEPS YOU SCAVENGING IN YESTERDAY’S DEBRIS, SEARCHING FOR EVIDENCE ABOUT ‘WHO DID WHAT’ AND ‘WHEN AND WHY’, WHILE YOUR PRESENT IS TOO FRUSTRATED TO FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT YOUR FUTURE IS FRUITLESSLY SLIPPING AWAY!  

SECOND, COMPLAINING IS TOXIC TO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS: ‘Your flip and callous arrogance in these things bothers me. You pass it off as a small thing, but it’s anything but that. Yeast, too, is a “small thing,” but it works its way through a whole batch of bread dough pretty fast. So get rid of this “yeast.” Our true identity is flat and plain, not puffed up with the wrong kind of ingredient. The Messiah, our Passover Lamb, has already been sacrificed for the Passover meal, and we are the Unraised Bread part of the Feast. So let’s live out our part in the Feast, not as raised bread swollen with the yeast of evil, but as flat bread—simple, genuine, unpretentious.’ (1 Corinthians 5:6-8  MSG). AS A SMALL AMOUNT OF YEAST WORKS ITS WAY THROUGH A WHOLE BATCH OF BREAD DOUGH, COMPLAINING WORKS ITS WAY THROUGH AND INVITES OTHERS TO COMPLAIN TOO! INJECTED POISON (NO MATTER HOW SMALL) IS TOXIC TO EVERY PART OF THE BODY! Bear In Mind: The word “Toxic” means “Poisonous”! Its Latin Origin “Toxicum” literally means “Poison”! And the word “Poison”  means “A Substance That Causes Death or Injury When Introduced Into or Absorbed By a Living Organism; A Destructive or Corrupting Influence; to Contaminate or Prove Harmful To” It’s Old French Origin means “Magic Potion” which comes from a Latin Origin “Potio” meaning ‘Potion” And ‘Potion’ is Latin for “Drink, Poisonous Draft”. PEOPLE OF GOD: YOUR COMPLAINING INTO THE LIVES OF EVERY RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR LIFE IS THE EQUIVALENT OF POURING A POISONOUS POTION INTO THE LIVES OF YOUR LOVED ONES WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE TO CAUSE DEATH; INJURY; DESTRUCTION; CORRUPTION; CONTAMINATION AND HARM!  SURELY THAT’S NOT THE DESCRIPTION YOU WANT YOUR LOVED ONES TO HAVE OF YOU EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH! YOUR COMPLAINING IS A DEATH TRAP FOR THOSE YOU HOLD DEAR! REMEMBER: YOU THINK YOUR WORDS BEFORE YOU SPEAK THEM, AND THEY’RE SPOKEN FROM OUT OF YOUR HEART: ‘…out of the abundance of the HEART the MOUTH SPEAKS’ (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). SO IT’S VITAL TO GUARD YOUR HEART, SINCE THAT’S WHERE YOUR WORDS FLOW FROM (NOT TO MENTION YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!): “GUARD YOUR HEART MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE THE SOURCE OF YOUR LIFE FLOWS FROM IT” (Proverbs 4:23 GWT).  AND THE LAST THING YOU WANT “FLOWING” LIKE A “POISONOUS POTION” FROM YOUR MOUTH INTO THE LIVES OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS IS BITTER WORDS OF COMPLAINT!

SUBTLY, YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR WORKPLACE, YOUR CHURCH AND YOUR ENVIRONMENT BECOMES POLLUTED! COMPLAINING POLARIZES RELATIONSHIPS! PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE STRESS, ANXIETY AND NEGATIVITY WILL BEGIN TO DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM YOU! AFTER ALL, WOULD YOU WANT TO CONTINUOUSLY HANG AROUND SOMEONE WHOSE WORDS POSSESS THE POISONOUS POTENTIAL TO KILL YOU?!  ‘The tongue has the power of LIFE AND DEATH…’ (Proverbs 18:21 NIV) – THAT IS YOUR LIFE AND DEATH…AND THE LIFE AND DEATH OF OTHERS YOU SPEAK SUCH TOXIC WORDS TO! So pray DAILY, ‘SET A GUARD OVER MY MOUTH, O LORD; KEEP WATCH OVER THE DOOR OF MY LIPS’ (Psalm 141:3 NIV).

WHATEVER YOU DO PLEASE AVOID COMPLAINING!

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. DON’T COMPLAIN” (Dr. Maya Angelou).

You say, ‘But isn’t it possible my complaint might be legitimate?’ The answer: Yes. Injustice, abuse, betrayal, robbery, gossip, libel, prejudice, physical harm against you or your family, and so on, Are Legitimate Causes! Then you say, ‘And if I don’t do something about these, won’t I be failing in my responsibility?’ The answer: Right again! You are called to be salt and light in this world, resolving problems that arise by practicing spiritual principles in your daily life. To do nothing at such times makes you irresponsible and disobedient to God! HOWEVER, COMPLAINING about it is NOT doing something about it, at least Not By God’s Definition! You say, ‘All right, since God is against complaining, then how do I handle Legitimate Complaints?’ Glad you asked!

First, DO NOTHING UNTIL YOU’VE TALKED WITH GOD! “I will praise the LORD, Who COUNSELS ME; even at night…” (Psalm 16:7 NIV); “The COUNSEL OF THE LORD STANDS FOREVER…” (Psalm 33:11 AMP). YOU’LL ALWAYS CHART THE RIGHT COURSE IF YOU TAKE TIME TO GET THE RIGHT COUNSEL! And who’s the right counsel? “CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU AND TELL YOU GREAT AND UNSEARCHABLE THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW” (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV).

Also keep in mind, PRAYER CLARIFIES YOUR OPTIONS AND ADJUSTS YOUR PERSPECTIVES! That’s why the Bible says, “Don’t fret or worry. Instead…PRAY. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into PRAYERS, Letting God Know Your Concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Philippians 4:6-7 MSG).  This will Defuse Your Anger, Restore Your Objectivity and Rational Thinking!

Note: YOUR SECOND MOVE IS MORE LIKELY TO SUCCEED IF YOUR FIRST MOVE IS TO SEEK GOD FOR WISDOM: ‘If any of you LACKS WISDOM, He should ASK GOD, WHO GIVES GENEROUSLY…’ (James. 1:5 NIV); “COUNSEL IS MINE, AND SOUND WISDOM: I AM UNDERSTANDING; I HAVE STRENGTH” (Proverbs 8:14); “And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, THE SPIRIT OF WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING, THE SPIRIT OF COUNSEL AND MIGHT, THE SPIRIT OF KNOWLEDGE AND OF THE FEAR OF THE LORD;” (Isaiah 11:2). SEEK GOD FOR COUNSEL AND WISDOM AND YOU’LL BECOME LIKE DANIEL: “THEN DANIEL ANSWERED WITH COUNSEL AND WISDOM…” (2:14). THE KEY IS COUNSEL…NOT COMPLAINING!

Second, BEFORE YOU SAY OR DO ANYTHING, PERFORM AN ATTITUDE CHECK! Stop and ask yourself, ‘What’s my real agenda here? Is it to show them that I’m right and they’re wrong? Is it to come away looking good while I make them look bad? Is it to win a personal victory or to solve the problem in a way that glorifies God?’ Robert A. Cook shares some good advice: “Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn’t take any brains to complain.” So, before you Speak, Check what’s in your HEART: ‘…FOR THE MOUTH SPEAKS OUT OF THAT WHICH FILLS THE HEART’ (Matthew 12:34 NASB). When your Heart Attitude Pleases God, you’re ready to handle any Legitimate Complaint! “Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [EVER] COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, But Only Such [SPEECH] AS IS GOOD AND BENEFICIAL TO THE SPIRITUAL PROGRESS OF OTHERS, AS IS FITTING TO THE NEED AND THE OCCASION, THAT IT MAY BE A BLESSING AND GIVE GRACE (GOD’S FAVOR) TO THOSE WHO HEAR IT” (Ephesians 4:29 AMP).

When your Complaint is Legitimate, ALWAYS AND ONLY TALK TO THE PERSON WITH WHOM YOU HAVE THE ISSUE! When you’re upset, your Temptation will be to tell everybody else! It feels right, justified, and even therapeutic! Well-meaning friends will encourage it, and even help you publicize it. ‘You’ll feel better when you’ve got it off your chest,’ they’ll say. But God’s Word condemns handling complaints that way! Do it, and you add insult to your own injury by disobeying God – and you can’t expect Him to cooperate with you while you violate His Word! And what does His Word say? ‘If your brother wrongs you, Go and Show HIM His Fault, Between YOU and HIM PRIVATELY. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother’ (Matthew 18:15 AMP). Courage, Humility and Wisdom are Required to face your offender PRIVATELY, but it’s God’s Way. It contains the conflict, minimizes embarrassment and increases the likelihood of resolution and restoration, which is God’s real concern. “But all things are from God, Who through Jesus Christ RECONCILED us to Himself [received us into favor, brought us into harmony with Himself] AND GAVE TO US THE MINISTRY OF RECONCILIATION [that by WORD AND DEED we might aim to bring others into harmony with Him].” (2 Corinthians 5:18 AMP).

Next, SPEAK IN LOVE, NOT IN WORDS MEANT TO HURT! Let your words be Gracious, Conciliatory and aimed at Solution, not ‘one-upmanship’. “LET YOUR SPEECH AT ALL TIMES BE GRACIOUS (PLEASANT AND WINSOME), SEASONED [AS IT WERE] WITH SALT, [SO THAT YOU MAY NEVER BE AT A LOSS] TO KNOW HOW YOU OUGHT TO ANSWER ANYONE [WHO PUTS A QUESTION TO YOU]” (Colossians 4:6 AMP). The Bible gives additional counsel: ‘Rather, let our lives LOVINGLY EXPRESS truth [in all things, SPEAKING TRULY, Dealing Truly, Living Truly]. Enfolded in LOVE, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).’ (Ephesians 4:15 AMP). Your growth in Christ is the End; speaking truth in love is the Means. Tell the offender your goal is not to humiliate them or to get revenge, BUT RATHER TO RESOLVE YOUR DIFFERENCES, STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND ABOVE ALL ELSE, HONOR GOD! INSTEAD OF MAKING AN ADVERSARY WHO’LL OPPOSE YOU, YOU’LL BE INVITING AN ALLY TO JOIN YOU IN A MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL, GOD-GLORIFYING MISSION! Never forget: “A BROTHER OFFENDED IS HARDER TO BE WON OVER THAN A STRONG CITY, AND [THEIR] CONTENTIONS SEPARATE THEM LIKE THE BARS OF A CASTLE” (Proverbs 18:19 AMP). BELIEVERS ARE TO BE ONE ANOTHERS’ ALLY…NOT ADVERSARY!

Third, DON’T MAKE A COMPLAINT, MAKE A REQUEST! However legitimate your gripe, you’ll be heard as COMPLAINING- which will greatly reduce the likelihood of a good outcome. Whatever the cause, you’re more likely to get what you ask for graciously, than you are to cure what you’re complaining about. Therefore, asking, ‘Would you be willing to do this [a preferred specific behavior] rather than that [the old behavior]?’ is respectful, clear, avoids argument over past issues that can’t be changed, and always brings a better result. Remember: “The speech of a good person is worth waiting for; the blabber of the wicked is worthless.” (Proverbs 10:20 MSG). COMPLAINING CURES NOTHING!

Fourth, ALRIGHT, YOU’VE SAID IT, NOW LET GOD WORK! Changing people is God’s job, SO BACK OFF, BE PATIENT AND LET HIM HANDLE IT! ‘But doesn’t somebody need to supervise them to be sure they change?’ you ask…Well, unless they’re behind bars and you’re their prison guard, the answer is NO! Get out of God’s way and let Him do what you can’t! He has ways and means you never dreamed of. When He’s allowed to take over the job it always gets done properly! “I Don’t Think the Way You Think. The Way You Work Isn’t the Way I Work.” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above earth, So the Way I Work Surpasses the Way You Work, and the Way I Think is Beyond the Way You Think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So Will the Words that Come Out of My Mouth Not Come Back Empty-handed. They’ll Do the Work I Sent Them To Do, They’ll Complete the Assignment I Gave Them.” (Isaiah 55:8-11 MSG). YOU’RE ALLOWED TO SAY YOUR PIECE…BUT REMEMBER: YOUR WORD IS NOT THE LAST AND FINAL SAY!

And what should you do while waiting for God to work? Well, you could sit around ruminating, resenting and rehashing the past, OR YOU COULD TAKE LESSONS FROM JOSEPH! He’d every reason to complain about his family’s treatment and to take revenge when the tables turned in his favor. Instead he conscientiously and skillfully did what he had to do, watching for the strategic moments every problem offers, when he could align himself to become part of the solution. Eventually, he did, his family was reunited, and God promoted him to even greater blessings! Learn from him!

“Don’t complain that you are not getting what you want, Just be glad you are not getting what you deserve!” (Anonymous).

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged #ShareTheWord

Feel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “I’m in the Process of Change”

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“Stop Complaining!”

 

“Do everything WITHOUT COMPLAINING…” (Philippians 2:14 NIV)

Two groups of psychology students were wired for recording purposes, and assigned a period to socialize freely. One group KNEW the experiment would measure the level of complaining in normal conversation; the other group DID NOT. Afterwards, BOTH groups were shocked by how frequently they complained. The group in the “KNOW” complained almost as much as the group “UNAWARE” of what the experiment was aiming to achieve! It’s the oldest response in the book – LITERALLY! Confronted with our choices and actions, we spontaneously start complaining! ‘It was their fault, not mine; If they hadn’t… I wouldn’t have.’ Adam needed no lessons in the art of complaining! Caught red-handed, he told God, ‘…The woman whom YOU gave to be with me, SHE gave me from the tree, and I ate.” What happens next? “…the woman…[Eve]… said, “The SERPENT deceived me, and I ate” ‘ (Genesis 3:12-13 NASB). If you think about it, the only one NOT complaining was the serpent! Neither, Adam nor Eve accepted Responsibility for their Choices! And since God doesn’t help people who won’t be responsible, He threw the complainers out of Paradise!

If they ever subsequently ‘got it’ regarding complaining, THEY DIDN’T TRANSMIT IT TO THEIR OFFSPRING, ISRAEL: How do I know? The Bible says: ‘One day THE ISRAELITES STARTED COMPLAINING about their troubles. The LORD HEARD THEM and became so angry that he destroyed the outer edges of their camp with fire.’ (Numbers 11:1 NIV). Notice, all complaining is ‘in the hearing of the Lord’, and HE CLEARLY DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IT! Paul writes, ‘DO NOT COMPLAIN as some of them did; they were killed by the angel that destroys. The things that happened to those people are examples. They were written down to teach us…’ (1 Corinthians 10:10-11 NCV).

People of God, clean up your verbal act! Decide to detect, reject and eject all complaining from your vocabulary!

“Everyone has to make their own decisions. I still believe in that. You just have to be able to accept the consequences without complaining.” (Grace Jones).

Simply put: COMPLAINING IS TOXIC! IT CONTAMINATES BOTH THE COMPLAINER AND EVERYONE WITHIN EARSHOT! Complaining reminds you a lot of what Hebrews 12:15 says about BITTERNESS: “Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the MANY BECOME CONTAMINATED AND DEFILED BY IT” (AMP).

LIKE BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT, COMPLAINING CONTAMINATES AND DEFILES MANY!

Sometimes we even think we’re ‘HELPING’ by complaining. We maintain, ‘If somebody doesn’t say something, nothing’s ever going to change!’ – AS THOUGH POSITIVE CHANGE CAN COME FROM NEGATIVE WORDS! We imagine we’ve contributed something worthwhile by our complaint. BUT COMPLAINING IS WHAT WE DO TO AVOID FACING, DEALING WITH AND SOLVING THE PROBLEM! IT’S WHAT WE DO INSTEAD OF CONTRIBUTING TO CONSTRUCTIVE CHANGE; AND IT MAKES US APART OF THE PROBLEM INSTEAD OF THE SOLUTION! THE MORE YOU COMPLAIN THE MORE PROBLEM-FOCUSED YOU BECOME, AND THE MORE PROBLEM-FOCUSED YOU BECOME THE MORE YOU COMPLAIN!

ULTIMATELY, YOUR COMPLAINING AFFECTS YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE! The Psalmist said, ‘…I COMPLAINED, AND MY SPIRIT WAS OVERWHELMED… ‘ (Psalm 77:3 NKJV). If no one else pays attention to your words, YOU DO! BEFORE YOU EVER SAY THEM…YOU THINK THEM: ‘…out of the abundance of the HEART the MOUTH SPEAKS’ (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). The Message Bible says it like this: “…YOU HAVE MINDS LIKE A SNAKE PIT! How do you suppose WHAT YOU SAY IS WORTH ANYTHING WHEN YOU ARE SO FOUL-MINDED? IT’S YOUR HEART, not the dictionary, THAT GIVES MEANING TO YOUR WORDS. A good person produces good deeds AND WORDS season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: EVERY ONE OF THESE CARELESS WORDS IS GOING TO COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU. THERE WILL BE A TIME OF RECKONING. WORDS ARE POWERFUL; TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. WORDS CAN BE YOUR SALVATION. WORDS CAN ALSO BE YOUR DAMNATION” (Matthew 12:34-37 MSG).

Again: keep in mind: If no one else pays attention to your words, YOU DO! BEFORE YOU SAY THEM YOU THINK THEM IN YOUR HEART, WHICH MAKES WHAT YOU SAY, DELIBERATE! And when you say them, you hear them and believe them just as you would the words of a trusted authority! Every Time You Repeat Them You Reinforce Their Power Over You Until Eventually You Make Yourself The Victim of Your Own Complaints! “FOR AS HE THINKS WITHIN HIMSELF, SO HE IS…” (Proverbs 23:7 NASB). Your Spirit (Attitude) Will Be Overwhelmed, Not By the Problems and Difficulties People Bring to You, BUT AS THE SELF-INFLICTED PRODUCT OF YOUR OWN COMPLAINTS! “WORDS KILL, WORDS GIVE LIFE; THEY’RE EITHER POISON OR FRUIT—YOU CHOOSE” (Proverbs 18:21 MSG). So, why not just follow this advice: “DO ALL THINGS WITHOUT GRUMBLING AND FAULTFINDING AND COMPLAINING [AGAINST GOD] and questioning and doubting [among yourselves], That you may show yourselves to be blameless and guiltless, innocent and UNCONTAMINATED CHILDREN OF GOD without blemish (faultless, unrebukable) in the midst of a crooked and wicked generation [spiritually perverted and perverse], among whom you are seen as bright lights (stars or beacons shining out clearly) in the [dark] world,” (Philippians 2:14-15 AMP).

Don’t let Thomas Fuller’s quote be descriptive of your life: “We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed.”

Many of you may ask, “Isn’t complaining really just about words?” NO, IT’S MUCH MORE THAN THAT!

FIRST, COMPLAINING HANDS YOUR POWER OVER TO THE PEOPLE AND CIRCUMSTANCES YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT, MAKING YOU FEEL LIKE THEIR VICTIM! It diminishes your ability to think of solutions, conditions your mind negatively, and blunts your ability to receive creative ideas from God! POSITIVE SEEDS DON’T GROW IN NEGATIVE SOIL! YOU CAN’T NEGATIVELY COMPLAIN AND POSITIVELY CREATE SIMULTANEOUSLY! ‘Does a fountain send forth [SIMULTANEOUSLY] from the SAME opening fresh water and bitter? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine figs? Neither can a salt spring furnish fresh water.’ (James 3:11-12 AMP).

COMPLAINTS ARE VERBAL EXPRESSIONS OF NEGATIVE BELIEFS! THEY CANCEL POSITIVE INTENTIONS AND CONFESSIONS, RENDERING YOU POWERLESS TO REAP THE GAINS GOD OFFERS! COMPLAINING FOCUSES ON A PAST YOU CAN’T CHANGE! IT KEEPS YOU SCAVENGING IN YESTERDAY’S DEBRIS, SEARCHING FOR EVIDENCE ABOUT ‘WHO DID WHAT’ AND ‘WHEN AND WHY’, WHILE YOUR PRESENT IS TOO FRUSTRATED TO FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT YOUR FUTURE IS FRUITLESSLY SLIPPING AWAY!  

SECOND, COMPLAINING IS TOXIC TO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS: ‘Your flip and callous arrogance in these things bothers me. You pass it off as a small thing, but it’s anything but that. Yeast, too, is a “small thing,” but it works its way through a whole batch of bread dough pretty fast. So get rid of this “yeast.” Our true identity is flat and plain, not puffed up with the wrong kind of ingredient. The Messiah, our Passover Lamb, has already been sacrificed for the Passover meal, and we are the Unraised Bread part of the Feast. So let’s live out our part in the Feast, not as raised bread swollen with the yeast of evil, but as flat bread—simple, genuine, unpretentious.’ (1 Corinthians 5:6-8  MSG). AS A SMALL AMOUNT OF YEAST WORKS ITS WAY THROUGH A WHOLE BATCH OF BREAD DOUGH, COMPLAINING WORKS ITS WAY THROUGH AND INVITES OTHERS TO COMPLAIN TOO! INJECTED POISON (NO MATTER HOW SMALL) IS TOXIC TO EVERY PART OF THE BODY! Bear In Mind: The word “Toxic” means “Poisonous”! Its Latin Origin “Toxicum” literally means “Poison”! And the word “Poison”  means “A Substance That Causes Death or Injury When Introduced Into or Absorbed By a Living Organism; A Destructive or Corrupting Influence; to Contaminate or Prove Harmful To” It’s Old French Origin means “Magic Potion” which comes from a Latin Origin “Potio” meaning ‘Potion” And ‘Potion’ is Latin for “Drink, Poisonous Draft”. PEOPLE OF GOD: YOUR COMPLAINING INTO THE LIVES OF EVERY RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR LIFE IS THE EQUIVALENT OF POURING A POISONOUS POTION INTO THE LIVES OF YOUR LOVED ONES WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE TO CAUSE DEATH; INJURY; DESTRUCTION; CORRUPTION; CONTAMINATION AND HARM!  SURELY THAT’S NOT THE DESCRIPTION YOU WANT YOUR LOVED ONES TO HAVE OF YOU EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH! YOUR COMPLAINING IS A DEATH TRAP FOR THOSE YOU HOLD DEAR! REMEMBER: YOU THINK YOUR WORDS BEFORE YOU SPEAK THEM, AND THEY’RE SPOKEN FROM OUT OF YOUR HEART: ‘…out of the abundance of the HEART the MOUTH SPEAKS’ (Matthew12:34 NKJV). SO IT’S VITAL TO GUARD YOUR HEART, SINCE THAT’S WHERE YOUR WORDS FLOW FROM (NOT TO MENTION YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!): “GUARD YOUR HEART MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE THE SOURCE OF YOUR LIFE FLOWS FROM IT” (Proverbs 4:23 GWT).  AND THE LAST THING YOU WANT “FLOWING” LIKE A “POISONOUS POTION” FROM YOUR MOUTH INTO THE LIVES OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS IS BITTER WORDS OF COMPLAINT!

SUBTLY, YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR WORKPLACE, YOUR CHURCH AND YOUR ENVIRONMENT BECOMES POLLUTED! COMPLAINING POLARIZES RELATIONSHIPS! PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE STRESS, ANXIETY AND NEGATIVITY WILL BEGIN TO DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM YOU! AFTER ALL, WOULD YOU WANT TO CONTINUOUSLY HANG AROUND SOMEONE WHOSE WORDS POSSESS THE POISONOUS POTENTIAL TO KILL YOU?!  ‘The tongue has the power of LIFE AND DEATH…’ (Proverbs 18:21 NIV) – THAT IS YOUR LIFE AND DEATH…AND THE LIFE AND DEATH OF OTHERS YOU SPEAK SUCH TOXIC WORDS TO! So pray DAILY, ‘SET A GUARD OVER MY MOUTH, O LORD; KEEP WATCH OVER THE DOOR OF MY LIPS’ (Psalm 141:3 NIV). WHATEVER YOU DO PLEASE AVOID COMPLAINING!

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. DON’T COMPLAIN” (Maya Angelou).

You say, ‘But isn’t it possible my complaint might be legitimate?’ The answer: Yes. Injustice, abuse, betrayal, robbery, gossip, libel, prejudice, physical harm against you or your family, and so on, Are Legitimate Causes! Then you say, ‘And if I don’t do something about these, won’t I be failing in my responsibility?’ The answer: Right again! You are called to be salt and light in this world, resolving problems that arise by practicing spiritual principles in your daily life. To do nothing at such times makes you irresponsible and disobedient to God! HOWEVER, COMPLAINING about it is NOT doing something about it, at least Not By God’s Definition! You say, ‘All right, since God is against complaining, then how do I handle Legitimate Complaints?’ Glad you asked!

First, DO NOTHING UNTIL YOU’VE TALKED WITH GOD! “I will praise the LORD, Who COUNSELS ME; even at night…” (Psalm 16:7 NIV); “The COUNSEL OF THE LORD STANDS FOREVER…” (Psalm 33:11 AMP). YOU’LL ALWAYS CHART THE RIGHT COURSE IF YOU TAKE TIME TO GET THE RIGHT COUNSEL! And who’s the right counsel? “CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU AND TELL YOU GREAT AND UNSEARCHABLE THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW” (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV).

Also keep in mind, PRAYER CLARIFIES YOUR OPTIONS AND ADJUSTS YOUR PERSPECTIVES! That’s why the Bible says, “Don’t fret or worry. Instead…PRAY. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into PRAYERS, Letting God Know Your Concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Philippians 4:6-7 MSG).  This will Defuse Your Anger, Restore Your Objectivity and Rational Thinking!

Note: YOUR SECOND MOVE IS MORE LIKELY TO SUCCEED IF YOUR FIRST MOVE IS TO SEEK GOD FOR WISDOM: ‘If any of you LACKS WISDOM, He should ASK GOD, WHO GIVES GENEROUSLY…’ (James. 1:5 NIV); “COUNSEL IS MINE, AND SOUND WISDOM: I AM UNDERSTANDING; I HAVE STRENGTH” (Proverbs 8:14); “And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, THE SPIRIT OF WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING, THE SPIRIT OF COUNSEL AND MIGHT, THE SPIRIT OF KNOWLEDGE AND OF THE FEAR OF THE LORD;” (Isaiah 11:2). SEEK GOD FOR COUNSEL AND WISDOM AND YOU’LL BECOME LIKE DANIEL: “THEN DANIEL ANSWERED WITH COUNSEL AND WISDOM…” (2:14). THE KEY IS COUNSEL…NOT COMPLAINING!

Second, BEFORE YOU SAY OR DO ANYTHING, PERFORM AN ATTITUDE CHECK! Stop and ask yourself, ‘What’s my real agenda here? Is it to show them that I’m right and they’re wrong? Is it to come away looking good while I make them look bad? Is it to win a personal victory or to solve the problem in a way that glorifies God?’ Robert A. Cook shares some good advice: “Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn’t take any brains to complain.” So, before you Speak, Check what’s in your HEART: ‘…FOR THE MOUTH SPEAKS OUT OF THAT WHICH FILLS THE HEART’ (Matthew 12:34 NASB). When your Heart Attitude Pleases God, you’re ready to handle any Legitimate Complaint! “Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [EVER] COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, But Only Such [SPEECH] AS IS GOOD AND BENEFICIAL TO THE SPIRITUAL PROGRESS OF OTHERS, AS IS FITTING TO THE NEED AND THE OCCASION, THAT IT MAY BE A BLESSING AND GIVE GRACE (GOD’S FAVOR) TO THOSE WHO HEAR IT” (Ephesians 4:29 AMP).

When your Complaint is Legitimate, ALWAYS AND ONLY TALK TO THE PERSON WITH WHOM YOU HAVE THE ISSUE! When you’re upset, your Temptation will be to tell everybody else! It feels right, justified, and even therapeutic! Well-meaning friends will encourage it, and even help you publicize it. ‘You’ll feel better when you’ve got it off your chest,’ they’ll say. But God’s Word condemns handling complaints that way! Do it, and you add insult to your own injury by disobeying God – and you can’t expect Him to cooperate with you while you violate His Word! And what does His Word say? ‘If your brother wrongs you, Go and Show HIM His Fault, Between YOU and HIM PRIVATELY. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother’ (Matthew 18:15 AMP). Courage, Humility and Wisdom are Required to face your offender PRIVATELY, but it’s God’s Way. It contains the conflict, minimizes embarrassment and increases the likelihood of resolution and restoration, which is God’s real concern. “But all things are from God, Who through Jesus Christ RECONCILED us to Himself [received us into favor, brought us into harmony with Himself] AND GAVE TO US THE MINISTRY OF RECONCILIATION [that by WORD AND DEED we might aim to bring others into harmony with Him].” (2 Corinthians 5:18 AMP).

Next, SPEAK IN LOVE, NOT IN WORDS MEANT TO HURT! Let your words be Gracious, Conciliatory and aimed at Solution, not ‘one-upmanship’. “LET YOUR SPEECH AT ALL TIMES BE GRACIOUS (PLEASANT AND WINSOME), SEASONED [AS IT WERE] WITH SALT, [SO THAT YOU MAY NEVER BE AT A LOSS] TO KNOW HOW YOU OUGHT TO ANSWER ANYONE [WHO PUTS A QUESTION TO YOU]” (Colossians 4:6 AMP). The Bible gives additional counsel, ‘Rather, let our lives LOVINGLY EXPRESS truth [in all things, SPEAKING TRULY, Dealing Truly, Living Truly]. Enfolded in LOVE, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).’ (Ephesians 4:15 AMP). Your growth in Christ is the End; speaking truth in love is the Means. Tell the offender your goal is not to humiliate them or to get revenge, BUT RATHER TO RESOLVE YOUR DIFFERENCES, STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND ABOVE ALL ELSE, HONOR GOD! INSTEAD OF MAKING AN ADVERSARY WHO’LL OPPOSE YOU, YOU’LL BE INVITING AN ALLY TO JOIN YOU IN A MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL, GOD-GLORIFYING MISSION! Never forget: “A BROTHER OFFENDED IS HARDER TO BE WON OVER THAN A STRONG CITY, AND [THEIR] CONTENTIONS SEPARATE THEM LIKE THE BARS OF A CASTLE” (Proverbs 18:19 AMP). BELIEVERS ARE TO BE ONE ANOTHERS’ ALLY…NOT ADVERSARY!

Third, DON’T MAKE A COMPLAINT, MAKE A REQUEST! However legitimate your gripe, you’ll be heard as COMPLAINING- which will greatly reduce the likelihood of a good outcome. Whatever the cause, you’re more likely to get what you ask for graciously, than you are to cure what you’re complaining about. Therefore, asking, ‘Would you be willing to do this [a preferred specific behavior] rather than that [the old behavior]?’ is respectful, clear, avoids argument over past issues that can’t be changed, and always brings a better result. Remember: “The speech of a good person is worth waiting for; the blabber of the wicked is worthless.” (Proverbs 10:20 MSG). COMPLAINING CURES NOTHING!

Fourth, ALRIGHT, YOU’VE SAID IT, NOW LET GOD WORK! Changing people is God’s job, SO BACK OFF, BE PATIENT AND LET HIM HANDLE IT! ‘But doesn’t somebody need to supervise them to be sure they change?’ you ask…Well, unless they’re behind bars and you’re their prison guard, the answer is NO! Get out of God’s way and let Him do what you can’t! He has ways and means you never dreamed of. When He’s allowed to take over the job it always gets done properly! “I Don’t Think the Way You Think. The Way You Work Isn’t the Way I Work.” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above earth, So the Way I Work Surpasses the Way You Work, and the Way I Think is Beyond the Way You Think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So Will the Words that Come Out of My Mouth Not Come Back Empty-handed. They’ll Do the Work I Sent Them To Do, They’ll Complete the Assignment I Gave Them.” (Isaiah 55:8-11 MSG). YOU’RE ALLOWED TO SAY YOUR PIECE…BUT REMEMBER: YOUR WORD IS NOT THE LAST AND FINAL SAY!

And what should you do while waiting for God to work? Well, you could sit around ruminating, resenting and rehashing the past, OR YOU COULD TAKE LESSONS FROM JOSEPH! He’d every reason to complain about his family’s treatment and to take revenge when the tables turned in his favor. Instead he conscientiously and skillfully did what he had to do, watching for the strategic moments every problem offers, when he could align himself to become part of the solution. Eventually, he did, his family was reunited, and God promoted him to even greater blessings! Learn from him!

“Don’t complain that you are not getting what you want, Just be glad you are not getting what you deserve!” (Anonymous).

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged 
Feel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “Stop Nagging!”