“How God Makes a BIG Ego small?”

Genesis 11:1-9, “Now the whole earth used the same language and the same words.  And as men traveled in the east, they found a valley in the land of Shinar and made their home there.  They said to one another, “Come, let us make blocks and burn them until they are hard.” They used blocks for stone, and tar to hold them together.  Then they said, “Come, let us build a city FOR OURSELVES, with a tower that touches the heavens. Let us make a name FOR OURSELVES, or else we may be sent everywhere over the whole earth.” Then the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the sons of men had built.  And the Lord said, “See, they are one people, and they all have the same language. This is only the beginning of what they will do. Now all they plan to do will be possible for them.  Come, let Us go down and mix up their language so they will not understand what each other says.”  So the Lord sent them everywhere over the whole earth. And they stopped building the city.  So the name of the city was Babel, because there the Lord mixed up the language of the whole earth. The Lord sent the people everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV)

Key Verse: Genesis 11:4, “Then they said, “Come, let us build a city FOR OURSELVES, with a tower that touches the heavens. Let us make a name FOR OURSELVES, or else we may be sent everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV) 

Louis Sullivan, the inventor of the modern skyscraper, said, “The tall building…should be a proud and soaring thing that makes a powerful appeal to the architectural imagination.”

Well, today, many WOMEN embody the same spirit of Pride and Self-Sufficiency that is represented in the lofty towers that make up our cities. Unfortunate as it may be, many Bible toting, Scripture quoting WOMEN of God are Focused on Personal Perfection MORE THAN Pleasing the One Whom They Call Their “Personal Lord and Savior”.

Truth be told, there is a Multitude of Women who seek the pinnacle of age-defying beauty through creams, procedures or surgeries. Some even become obsessed with fashion or feel that they must conform to some media-driven image. Now, it’s one thing for the “World” to act in such a manner, but when the “Church” behaves in such a manner it Delivers a Critical Blow to the Conduct that is Called “Christ-Like”!  And as Women of God, We are Never Called to Compromise or Conform! Romans 12:1-2, “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (MSG)

However, as women, we’ve become so diligent in working on our outer man that the inner woman of God is slowly decaying! Yes, our make-up is flawless, our hair doesn’t have a strand out of place, our clothes have every “known” name across the country, our smiles are picture perfect, our speech drips with honey-flavored eloquence, we’ve mastered poise and yet we’ve become a slave to pretense!

We “look” so much the “part” that we no longer even know how to end the “scene” of “playing church” when Sunday’s “role” is over. And then matters are made worse because others believe the “role” of religion we “play”, and so they give us “standing ovations, grand applause, beautiful flowers thrown at our feet,” compliments instead of criticisms and pats on the back instead of swift kicks in the behind! Our egos are stroked while our spirits are struggling to survive the strangulation of conformity! Who we are is slowly dying because we continue to breathe life into who we “pretend” to be!

“God, Church and Hell are all real. People claim they love God, but is God in them? They go to church to play church. But if you go to hell will you still be playing?” (Author Unknown)

I don’t think we’re fully aware, ladies, of the dangers of “playing church”. We can pretend all day long here on earth, but there comes a day of reckoning, and God is not going to ask about who and what you pretended to be, but who you really are and what you really did! 2 Corinthians 5:9-10, “But neither exile nor homecoming is the main thing. Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. Sooner or later we’ll all have to face God, regardless of our conditions. We will appear before Christ and take what’s coming to us as a result of our actions, either good or bad.” (MSG) You have to get yourself together in this life, because the afterlife is too late! When you play with church, and play with your soul, you’re playing with your eternity! Today is the day we take off all the masks and stop with the pretense and get real! It’s time to work on ourselves, instead of simply covering up an ugly construction site of sin and foolishness. We’ve pretended to be healed, whole, saved and delivered for long enough. It’s time to get ourselves right before that last trumpet sounds! This is NOT a dress rehearsal! There are no shows and curtains in heaven waiting for you to come out playing a character instead of actually possessing Character! 

But what you will have to embrace is that once you’ve pretended for so long, the real you gets lost! And people become comfortable and familiar with who you’ve pretended to be all this time. So it will not be an easy or quick process to unveiling the real you! But if you are to please God, it is a must!  

You see, gradually, over time, it becomes easier and easier to build monuments to ourselves. After all, as the famous ad says to women, “Because, I’m Worth It”. Well, the builders of the tower of Babel shared a key aspect of Sullivan’s vision of the tall building: PRIDE! And they had one purpose: TO BUILD A NAME FOR THEMSELVES! They wanted to claim glory that rightly belonged to God Alone – but after all, they ‘were worth it’ too, right?

However, the longing to climb higher than God didn’t begin in Babel. Before time began, Lucifer said, “…I will RAISE MY THRONE ABOVE THE STARS OF GOD; I will SIT ENTHRONED ON THE MOUNT OF ASSEMBLY, on the UTMOST HEIGHTS OF MOUNT ZAPHON” (Isaiah 14:13 NIV). And to this day, we still have women who are doing whatever it takes to raise themselves up to sit enthroned amongst the assembly and be treated as Queens of the utmost heights of elevations, promotions, titles and positions, rings, robes, and royal seating in the sanctuary!

So you see, it didn’t begin with Babel, BUT, it didn’t end with Babel, either.

Here’s a little history for you. The pyramids of Egypt proclaim the power of the rulers buried beneath them. Many lives were lost in the building of the pyramids, “collateral damage” to the princes who built them. Often Egyptian slaves were killed when their masters died and were buried alongside them. But just as the Egyptian kings sacrificed everything to their own legacy, women often sacrifice the good of those around them for fleeting recognition, not to mention the humble spirit God desires. The rulers of ancient Egypt were not all-powerful – they died the deaths of mere men. So, don’t you dare be deceived, your soul will not be saved by flawless skin or the perfect career any more than the towering mountains of stone raised over the mummies of kings saved them!

Women of God, it’s one thing to have pride in yourself, your appearance and even your accomplishments. However, you must never let your pride get out of control. Don’t be like those who attempted to “BUILD FOR THEMSELVES” and “MAKE A NAME FOR THEMSELVES”! Truth is, It’s Not About You! Your Talent, Gifts, Skill-Set, Anointing etc…are for the Building of the Kingdom of God, Not a Personal Cathedral to You! Building a Legacy is not about Your Name being left behind for generations after you to talk about! A Legacy has Purpose; It Has Action! Legacy is for People who have Done Something! Your name on a building is useless, if what you Did wasn’t useful! Sisters, let your work speak for you, it has a loud and powerful voice that will not and cannot be silenced! 

However, you have to put in the work! And that work is not FOR you, it’s FROM you! It’s to build a better generation (not so you can take credit for it) but simply because you care about what the Lord’s heart desires. Every time Jesus came into a person’s life (even if it was briefly passing through it) their life was made better. They were made better. Ladies, if you want your name to say something, let it say Character; Integrity; Sincerity; Excellence; Modesty; Dignity; Help; Support. Let your name say something about what you Do for Others (that you look for no recognition or credit for). 

Women of God, the best handiwork is when your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing! “Our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch.” (Judy Blume) Which means we have to stop taking up so much of our time daily applying makeup and masks, so that we can put our hands to better use, as in touching the lives of others and leaving that as our legacy! Ego’s and pride have had us to focus on ourselves long enough!

Also, be careful not to lose yourself trying to find yourself in places God never intended you to be! Hint: lofty, high places certainly is not it! If you want to really find yourself, just locate the places your God has been (after all, you were made in His image and likeness). Remember, He dwells in Humility; He hangs around the Poor and Meek; He lends a Helping and Healing hand to those who are hurting and struggling. He’s aiding the bound to become free; He’s feeding the hungry and clothing the naked. He’s providing shelter for the homeless and a protective hedge for those under attack. 

Believe it or not, the real Heights are when you delve into the Depths of despair to help someone who cannot help themselves!

In closing, I understand the commercial ad “Because, I’m Worth It”. But that is a motto for the World! When it comes to Believers, our Motto is more like “Because, He’s Worth It!”  

So, what do you take pride in? What keeps you from glorifying God? Has your focus become self-absorbed? Have you become self-glorifying? If so, the solution to the problem is simple: Whatever is keeping you from God, give it to Him for His glory! Let your relationship with Jesus be the source of your significance. 

The Word of God does not lie, when you humble yourself Before God, He Will Lift You Up! However, a high ego will bring you down mighty low! 

“…Come, let Us go down and mix up their language so they will not understand what each other says.”  So the Lord sent them everywhere over the whole earth. And they stopped building the city.  So the name of the city was Babel, because there the Lord mixed up the language of the whole earth. The Lord sent the people everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV)  

Don’t allow your pride and ego to steal your voice! There’s so much for you to speak into the lives of the current and future generations that you can’t afford to let your ego ‘babble’ your purpose. These were a people that were sent by the Lord everywhere over the whole earth. But what purpose did it serve them, since their language was mixed up and served nothing of value to themselves or to those generations to come. You have an opportunity to be sent to all the corners of the earth. In fact, you have that as a command!

Acts 1:7-8, “He told them, “You don’t get to know the time. Timing is the Father’s business. What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses IN JERUSALEM, ALL OVER JUDEA AND SAMARIA, EVEN TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD.” (MSG) 

Matthew 28:19-20, “Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train EVERYONE YOU MEET, FAR AND NEAR, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” (MSG) 

Mark 16:14-16, “Still later, as the Eleven were eating supper, he appeared and took them to task most severely for their stubborn unbelief, refusing to believe those who had seen him raised up. Then he said, “GO INTO THE WORLD. GO EVERYWHERE and announce the Message of God’s good news TO ONE AND ALL. Whoever believes and is baptized is saved; whoever refuses to believe is damned.” (MSG)

You can either maintain your ego and cause God to send your babbling, unproductive self all over the globe, or you could humble yourself and cause God to send you all over the globe fulfilling His Will and Purpose, however, the choice is always YOURS! You can have a global ministry that takes you all over the globe filled with purpose, or a global ministry that takes you all over the globe and it’s pointless.  

Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.” (AMP) So, what are you going to allow your ego to use your words for, death or life? Because as you go day-by-day in your work for the Lord, you will daily have to make that decision. And your ego or humility is the determining factor as to which it will be. 

Women of God, there’s nothing wrong with building, but it has to always keep God in proper perspective with every brick! Proverbs 16:3, “Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His Will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.” (AMPC) 

The danger for the people in our text was that they were focused on building for themselves and they failed. Just think of what you could accomplish and succeed at if only you’d keep the Lord as your tunnel vision focus?! Remember, no matter how the Lord chooses to use YOU, it is always about HIM! Don’t let your ego rob you of a great work you can accomplish for God. There are people who have need of you and all that God put in you. Don’t let your ego be the roadblock that keeps you from going forward into a fruitful destiny. Keep the Lord at the center, and everything else around you will fall into place and, “…so shall your plans be established and succeed.” Instead of “…and they stopped building the city…”  

Reflection Questions:

1. What kind of “towers” have you built? (your business, your career, your talents, your ministry etc…) Who really gets the glory from your labors, you or God?
2. Would those who know you best, say you are Selfless or Selfish?
3. If you had to be truthful with yourself, would you honestly say you are Selfless or Selfish?
4. How much time do you spend on beautifying your inner man compared to the time you spend beautifying your outer man?
5. How would you honestly handle working hard behind the scenes, and yet never having your name come up in the credits?
6. When is the last time you did something good for someone who still has no idea it was you?
7. Do you ever find yourself in comparison and competition with the “image of beauty” in the world? How do you handle it?
8. What does the word Legacy mean to you?
9. If there were only 3 things that someone would be able to share as your lasting legacy, what would those 3 things be?
10. If you were to be known for a specific Fruit of the Spirit, which would it be and why?

Psalm 86:8-10, “There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord. And there are no works like Yours.  All the nations You have made will come and worship before You, O Lord. And they will bring honor to Your name.  For You are great and do great things. You alone are God.” (NLV);

Proverbs 18:10-12, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The man who does what is right runs into it and is safe. The rich man’s money is his strong city, and he thinks it is like a high wall. The heart of a man is proud before he is destroyed, but having no pride goes before honor.” (NLV);

Matthew 23:12, “The person who thinks he is important will find out how little he is worth. The person who is not trying to honor himself will be made important.” (NLV)

1 Peter 3:1-6, “The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.” (MSG)

1 Timothy 2:8-10, “Since prayer is at the bottom of all this, what I want mostly is for men to pray—not shaking angry fists at enemies but raising holy hands to God. And I want women to get in there with the men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing the latest fashions but doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it.” (MSG)

Titus 2:1-6, “Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.” (MSG)

Proverbs 14:1, “The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], But the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles].” (AMP)

Proverbs 3:13-18, “You’re blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madame Insight. She’s worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her. With one hand she gives long life, with the other she confers recognition. Her manner is beautiful, her life wonderfully complete. She’s the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her. Hold her tight—and be blessed!” (MSG)

“The one sole thing in myself in which I glory is that I see in myself nothing in which I can glory” ~ Catherine of Genoa

“Swallow your pride occasionally, it’s non-fattening!”  ~Author Unknown

“A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.”  ~Benjamin Franklin

“Humility is to make a right estimate of one’s self.”  ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon

“It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.”  ~Author Unknown

“It is always the secure who are humble.”  ~Gilbert Keith Chesterton

“Few are humble, for it takes a self-esteem few possess.” ~Robert Brault

“We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility.”  ~Rabindranath Tagore

“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.”  ~William Safire

“One learns to ignore criticism by first learning to ignore applause.”  ~Robert Brault

“Don’t look for more honor than your learning merits.”  ~Jewish Proverb

“The man who thinks he can live without others is mistaken; the one who thinks others can’t live without him is even more deluded.”  ~Hasidic Saying

“When someone sings his own praises, he always gets the tune too high.”  ~Mary H. Waldrip

“None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.”  ~Benjamin Whichcote

“People that put themselves above others will fall longer and harder.”  ~Gina Lindley

“When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it.”  ~Bernard Baily

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged #ShareTheWordFeel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “Why You Need to Get Enough Sleep?”

Feel free to join us at: http://www.chefshermainesbiblecafe.home.blog Today’s Chef Special Word: “TRUTH”

LETS STAY CONNECTED!

Daily Dose With Dr. Shermaine: https://dailydosewithdrshermaine.wordpress.com

Facebook:  DrShermaine Franklin-Sanders
Instagram: dr_shermaine / chef_drshermaine

LinkedIn:  Linkedin.com/in/dr-shermaine-y-franklin-sanders910019142/
Twitter: Dr_Shermaine
Pinterest: drsys321

“How God Makes a BIG Ego…small”

Genesis 11:1-9, “Now the whole earth used the same language and the same words.  And as men traveled in the east, they found a valley in the land of Shinar and made their home there.  They said to one another, “Come, let us make blocks and burn them until they are hard.” They used blocks for stone, and tar to hold them together.  Then they said, “Come, let us build a city FOR OURSELVES, with a tower that touches the heavens. Let us make a name FOR OURSELVES, or else we may be sent everywhere over the whole earth.” Then the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the sons of men had built.  And the Lord said, “See, they are one people, and they all have the same language. This is only the beginning of what they will do. Now all they plan to do will be possible for them.  Come, let Us go down and mix up their language so they will not understand what each other says.”  So the Lord sent them everywhere over the whole earth. And they stopped building the city.  So the name of the city was Babel, because there the Lord mixed up the language of the whole earth. The Lord sent the people everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV)

Key Verse: Genesis 11:4, “Then they said, “Come, let us build a city FOR OURSELVES, with a tower that touches the heavens. Let us make a name FOR OURSELVES, or else we may be sent everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV) 

Louis Sullivan, the inventor of the modern skyscraper, said, “The tall building…should be a proud and soaring thing that makes a powerful appeal to the architectural imagination.”

Well, today, many WOMEN embody the same spirit of Pride and Self-Sufficiency that is represented in the lofty towers that make up our cities. Unfortunate as it may be, many Bible toting, Scripture quoting WOMEN of God are Focused on Personal Perfection MORE THAN Pleasing the One Whom They Call Their “Personal Lord and Savior”.

Truth be told, there is a Multitude of Women who seek the pinnacle of age-defying beauty through creams, procedures or surgeries. Some even become obsessed with fashion or feel that they must conform to some media-driven image. Now, it’s one thing for the “World” to act in such a manner, but when the “Church” behaves in such a manner it Delivers a Critical Blow to the Conduct that is Called “Christ-Like”!  And as Women of God, We are Never Called to Compromise or Conform! Romans 12:1-2, “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (MSG)

However, as women, we’ve become so diligent in working on our outer man that the inner woman of God is slowly decaying! Yes, our make-up is flawless, our hair doesn’t have a strand out of place, our clothes have every “known” name across the country, our smiles are picture perfect, our speech drips with honey-flavored eloquence, we’ve mastered poise and yet we’ve become a slave to pretense!

We “look” so much the “part” that we no longer even know how to end the “scene” of “playing church” when Sunday’s “role” is over. And then matters are made worse because others believe the “role” of religion we “play”, and so they give us “standing ovations, grand applause, beautiful flowers thrown at our feet,” compliments instead of criticisms and pats on the back instead of swift kicks in the behind! Our egos are stroked while our spirits are struggling to survive the strangulation of conformity! Who we are is slowly dying because we continue to breathe life into who we “pretend” to be!

“God, Church and Hell are all real. People claim they love God, but is God in them? They go to church to play church. But if you go to hell will you still be playing?” (Author Unknown)

I don’t think we’re fully aware, ladies, of the dangers of “playing church”. We can pretend all day long here on earth, but there comes a day of reckoning, and God is not going to ask about who and what you pretended to be, but who you really are and what you really did! 2 Corinthians 5:9-10, “But neither exile nor homecoming is the main thing. Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. Sooner or later we’ll all have to face God, regardless of our conditions. We will appear before Christ and take what’s coming to us as a result of our actions, either good or bad.” (MSG) You have to get yourself together in this life, because the afterlife is too late! When you play with church, and play with your soul, you’re playing with your eternity! Today is the day we take off all the masks and stop with the pretense and get real! It’s time to work on ourselves, instead of simply covering up an ugly construction site of sin and foolishness. We’ve pretended to be healed, whole, saved and delivered for long enough. It’s time to get ourselves right before that last trumpet sounds! This is NOT a dress rehearsal! There are no shows and curtains in heaven waiting for you to come out playing a character instead of actually possessing Character! 

But what you will have to embrace is that once you’ve pretended for so long, the real you gets lost! And people become comfortable and familiar with who you’ve pretended to be all this time. So it will not be an easy or quick process to unveiling the real you! But if you are to please God, it is a must!  

You see, gradually, over time, it becomes easier and easier to build monuments to ourselves. After all, as the famous ad says to women, “Because, I’m Worth It”. Well, the builders of the tower of Babel shared a key aspect of Sullivan’s vision of the tall building: PRIDE! And they had one purpose: TO BUILD A NAME FOR THEMSELVES! They wanted to claim glory that rightly belonged to God Alone – but after all, they ‘were worth it’ too, right?

However, the longing to climb higher than God didn’t begin in Babel. Before time began, Lucifer said, “…I will RAISE MY THRONE ABOVE THE STARS OF GOD; I will SIT ENTHRONED ON THE MOUNT OF ASSEMBLY, on the UTMOST HEIGHTS OF MOUNT ZAPHON” (Isaiah 14:13 NIV). And to this day, we still have women who are doing whatever it takes to raise themselves up to sit enthroned amongst the assembly and be treated as Queens of the utmost heights of elevations, promotions, titles and positions, rings, robes, and royal seating in the sanctuary!

So you see, it didn’t begin with Babel, BUT, it didn’t end with Babel, either.

Here’s a little history for you. The pyramids of Egypt proclaim the power of the rulers buried beneath them. Many lives were lost in the building of the pyramids, “collateral damage” to the princes who built them. Often Egyptian slaves were killed when their masters died and were buried alongside them. But just as the Egyptian kings sacrificed everything to their own legacy, women often sacrifice the good of those around them for fleeting recognition, not to mention the humble spirit God desires. The rulers of ancient Egypt were not all-powerful – they died the deaths of mere men. So, don’t you dare be deceived, your soul will not be saved by flawless skin or the perfect career any more than the towering mountains of stone raised over the mummies of kings saved them!

Women of God, it’s one thing to have pride in yourself, your appearance and even your accomplishments. However, you must never let your pride get out of control. Don’t be like those who attempted to “BUILD FOR THEMSELVES” and “MAKE A NAME FOR THEMSELVES”! Truth is, It’s Not About You! Your Talent, Gifts, Skill-Set, Anointing etc…are for the Building of the Kingdom of God, Not a Personal Cathedral to You! Building a Legacy is not about Your Name being left behind for generations after you to talk about! A Legacy has Purpose; It Has Action! Legacy is for People who have Done Something! Your name on a building is useless, if what you Did wasn’t useful! Sisters, let your work speak for you, it has a loud and powerful voice that will not and cannot be silenced! 

However, you have to put in the work! And that work is not FOR you, it’s FROM you! It’s to build a better generation (not so you can take credit for it) but simply because you care about what the Lord’s heart desires. Every time Jesus came into a person’s life (even if it was briefly passing through it) their life was made better. They were made better. Ladies, if you want your name to say something, let it say Character; Integrity; Sincerity; Excellence; Modesty; Dignity; Help; Support. Let your name say something about what you Do for Others (that you look for no recognition or credit for). 

Women of God, the best handiwork is when your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing! “Our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch.” (Judy Blume) Which means we have to stop taking up so much of our time daily applying makeup and masks, so that we can put our hands to better use, as in touching the lives of others and leaving that as our legacy! Ego’s and pride have had us to focus on ourselves long enough!

Also, be careful not to lose yourself trying to find yourself in places God never intended you to be! Hint: lofty, high places certainly is not it! If you want to really find yourself, just locate the places your God has been (after all, you were made in His image and likeness). Remember, He dwells in Humility; He hangs around the Poor and Meek; He lends a Helping and Healing hand to those who are hurting and struggling. He’s aiding the bound to become free; He’s feeding the hungry and clothing the naked. He’s providing shelter for the homeless and a protective hedge for those under attack. 

Believe it or not, the real Heights are when you delve into the Depths of despair to help someone who cannot help themselves!

In closing, I understand the commercial ad “Because, I’m Worth It”. But that is a motto for the World! When it comes to Believers, our Motto is more like “Because, He’s Worth It!”  

So, what do you take pride in? What keeps you from glorifying God? Has your focus become self-absorbed? Have you become self-glorifying? If so, the solution to the problem is simple: Whatever is keeping you from God, give it to Him for His glory! Let your relationship with Jesus be the source of your significance. 

The Word of God does not lie, when you humble yourself Before God, He Will Lift You Up! However, a high ego will bring you down mighty low! 

“…Come, let Us go down and mix up their language so they will not understand what each other says.”  So the Lord sent them everywhere over the whole earth. And they stopped building the city.  So the name of the city was Babel, because there the Lord mixed up the language of the whole earth. The Lord sent the people everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV)  

Don’t allow your pride and ego to steal your voice! There’s so much for you to speak into the lives of the current and future generations that you can’t afford to let your ego ‘babble’ your purpose. These were a people that were sent by the Lord everywhere over the whole earth. But what purpose did it serve them, since their language was mixed up and served nothing of value to themselves or to those generations to come. You have an opportunity to be sent to all the corners of the earth. In fact, you have that as a command!

Acts 1:7-8, “He told them, “You don’t get to know the time. Timing is the Father’s business. What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses IN JERUSALEM, ALL OVER JUDEA AND SAMARIA, EVEN TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD.” (MSG) 

Matthew 28:19-20, “Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train EVERYONE YOU MEET, FAR AND NEAR, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” (MSG) 

Mark 16:14-16, “Still later, as the Eleven were eating supper, he appeared and took them to task most severely for their stubborn unbelief, refusing to believe those who had seen him raised up. Then he said, “GO INTO THE WORLD. GO EVERYWHERE and announce the Message of God’s good news TO ONE AND ALL. Whoever believes and is baptized is saved; whoever refuses to believe is damned.” (MSG)

You can either maintain your ego and cause God to send your babbling, unproductive self all over the globe, or you could humble yourself and cause God to send you all over the globe fulfilling His Will and Purpose, however, the choice is always YOURS! You can have a global ministry that takes you all over the globe filled with purpose, or a global ministry that takes you all over the globe and it’s pointless.  

Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.” (AMP) So, what are you going to allow your ego to use your words for, death or life? Because as you go day-by-day in your work for the Lord, you will daily have to make that decision. And your ego or humility is the determining factor as to which it will be. 

Women of God, there’s nothing wrong with building, but it has to always keep God in proper perspective with every brick! Proverbs 16:3, “Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His Will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.” (AMPC) 

The danger for the people in our text was that they were focused on building for themselves and they failed. Just think of what you could accomplish and succeed at if only you’d keep the Lord as your tunnel vision focus?! Remember, no matter how the Lord chooses to use YOU, it is always about HIM! Don’t let your ego rob you of a great work you can accomplish for God. There are people who have need of you and all that God put in you. Don’t let your ego be the roadblock that keeps you from going forward into a fruitful destiny. Keep the Lord at the center, and everything else around you will fall into place and, “…so shall your plans be established and succeed.” Instead of “…and they stopped building the city…”  

Reflection Questions:

1. What kind of “towers” have you built? (your business, your career, your talents, your ministry etc…) Who really gets the glory from your labors, you or God?

2. Would those who know you best, say you are Selfless or Selfish?

3. If you had to be truthful with yourself, would you honestly say you are Selfless or Selfish?

4. How much time do you spend on beautifying your inner man compared to the time you spend beautifying your outer man?

5. How would you honestly handle working hard behind the scenes, and yet never having your name come up in the credits?

6. When is the last time you did something good for someone who still has no idea it was you?

7. Do you ever find yourself in comparison and competition with the “image of beauty” in the world? How do you handle it?

8. What does the word Legacy mean to you?

9. If there were only 3 things that someone would be able to share as your lasting legacy, what would those 3 things be?

10. If you were to be known for a specific Fruit of the Spirit, which would it be and why?
    

Psalm 86:8-10, “There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord. And there are no works like Yours.  All the nations You have made will come and worship before You, O Lord. And they will bring honor to Your name.  For You are great and do great things. You alone are God.” (NLV);

Proverbs 18:10-12, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The man who does what is right runs into it and is safe. The rich man’s money is his strong city, and he thinks it is like a high wall. The heart of a man is proud before he is destroyed, but having no pride goes before honor.” (NLV);

Matthew 23:12, “The person who thinks he is important will find out how little he is worth. The person who is not trying to honor himself will be made important.” (NLV)

1 Peter 3:1-6, “The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.” (MSG)

1 Timothy 2:8-10, “Since prayer is at the bottom of all this, what I want mostly is for men to pray—not shaking angry fists at enemies but raising holy hands to God. And I want women to get in there with the men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing the latest fashions but doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it.” (MSG)

Titus 2:1-6, “Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.” (MSG)

Proverbs 14:1, “The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], But the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles].” (AMP)

Proverbs 3:13-18, “You’re blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madame Insight. She’s worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her. With one hand she gives long life, with the other she confers recognition. Her manner is beautiful, her life wonderfully complete. She’s the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her. Hold her tight—and be blessed!” (MSG)

“The one sole thing in myself in which I glory is that I see in myself nothing in which I can glory” ~ Catherine of Genoa

“Swallow your pride occasionally, it’s non-fattening!”  ~Author Unknown

“A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.”  ~Benjamin Franklin

“Humility is to make a right estimate of one’s self.”  ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon

“It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.”  ~Author Unknown

“It is always the secure who are humble.”  ~Gilbert Keith Chesterton

“Few are humble, for it takes a self-esteem few possess.” ~Robert Brault

“We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility.”  ~Rabindranath Tagore

“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.”  ~William Safire

“One learns to ignore criticism by first learning to ignore applause.”  ~Robert Brault

“Don’t look for more honor than your learning merits.”  ~Jewish Proverb

“The man who thinks he can live without others is mistaken; the one who thinks others can’t live without him is even more deluded.”  ~Hasidic Saying

“When someone sings his own praises, he always gets the tune too high.”  ~Mary H. Waldrip

“None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.”  ~Benjamin Whichcote

“People that put themselves above others will fall longer and harder.”  ~Gina Lindley

“When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it.”  ~Bernard Baily

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged #ShareTheWord

Feel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “The Types of Friends You Need to Ditch NOW!”

Feel free to join us at: http://www.chefshermainesbiblecafe.home.blog Today’s Chef Special Word “GRAVE”

LETS STAY CONNECTED!
Daily Dose With Dr. Shermaine: https://dailydosewithdrshermaine.wordpress.com
Facebook:  DrShermaine Franklin-Sanders
Instagram: dr_sys
LinkedIn:  Linkedin.com/in/dr-shermaine-y-franklin-sanders910019142/
Twitter: Dr_Shermaine
Pinterest: drsys321
Google: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+DrShermaineYFranklinSanders

“The Importance of Wife Trainers”

Titus 2:3-5, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so TRAIN the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (ESV)

My friend Caleb is a beast of a trainer! Which is why I absolutely hate to attend any of his classes at the gym! In fact, I am indeed the worse client of all time! Don’t believe me? Listen, I have actually sat on the stationary bike (not moving) but eating Doritos while watching cartoons! And this is all during his session with the entire group of us! He’s even bought me a dunce cap to wear when I’m sent to time-out! I’m sent to time-out quite often, but that’s neither here nor there. I absolutely drive Caleb up a wall! But he’s dedicated indeed! However, he’s taken on quite a few extra responsibilities at work and in his church, so he’s slowed down…A LITTLE BIT!

Talking to him recently, he told me that his regular routine doesn’t allow him as much time for exercise as he’d like. In the past, when he had a few days away and his schedule permitted, he would enjoy doing some biking or hiking, or running. Of course, when you stop working out as vigorous as you once did, your body has a tendency to shift gears on you, without warning, and without a courtesy notice. In other words, he’s not as much beast now as he is teddy bear! He said, “my body told me, you not ready for this, you haven’t been working out lately. And so, I ended up hurting in places I didn’t even know I had places! But it’s good to get some extra exercise when you can anyhow”.

And one of those times came when Caleb and his wife Sierra were away, and he had a chance to do some jogging on the beach at sunrise. He was chugging along trying to cover those last few hundred yards, which seemed like the longest ever, while pounding back down the beach all tired and sweaty and disgusting. He said his muscles were screaming, “I demand you stop this foolishness right now!” And then he said “but I saw my wife in the distance. Well, that was a great motivation to finish, and to finish strong. So I kind of picked up the pace a little bit, and had almost reached her when I saw what she had written in huge letters in the sand, “I love you, Caleb, you can do it babe.” Oh boy, there it was! What a happy ending to my run. Pain and all, those few little words of love pushed me through the finish line.”

Caleb’s story (particularly his wife) reminds me of Titus 2:4-5 where there are actually instructions given to the older women in the church as to what they should, from their well of experience, TRAIN the younger women to be like. It says, “…then they can TRAIN the younger women…” That word ‘train’ is defined as, ‘to teach a person a particular skill or type of behavior through regular practice and instruction; to make someone become fit through a course of consistent exercise and diet; to make grow in a particular direction or into a required shape.’ In other words, this training is to be ongoing. It doesn’t stop just because someone gets married. All throughout the course of marriage, the older women are to continue to train; teach; instruct; on skill and behavior through consistent practice; so that the younger wives will learn how to grow in the right direction and develop into the required ‘shape’ for her own husband. Notice what they are to TRAIN them to do, “…love their husbands and children. To be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the Word of God.”

Actually, this passage is referring to two generations of loving wives, because obviously the older women had to do it in order to be able to teach and train it to the younger women. Therefore, in both generations, the very same admonishment is given, “…Love your husband…”

Proverbs 31, that great description of the woman every godly woman wants to be, says about her in verse 12. “She brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Another translation reads, “She will not hinder him but help him all her life.” (TLB) That word “hinder” is defined as “to delay or impede”. Its Old English Origin literally means “to damage.” Can you imagine if Caleb’s wife “hindered” him as he was running toward his goal? Ultimately, she would have caused him damage. Now, that word “impede” is defined as “to delay or block the progress or action of.” It’s Latin Origin “impedire” literally means “to shackle the feet of”. How can you possibly have a goal of running to the finish line when you’re attached to someone who’s like “shackles on your feet?” Can you imagine if Caleb’s wife was at the finish line yelling, “why are you even here? You can’t do this? You can’t accomplish this? This is too big of a task for you? You’re not ready for this? You do remember how old you are right? Don’t you see the other younger, stronger and more fit men running down this beach? Go somewhere grab a snickers and take the break your body needs before it takes one without your permission!”

I wouldn’t exactly call that motivation, encouragement, help or love! That’s shackles at their best! As out of shape, and tired, and in pain as Caleb was, it was his wife’s Help not Hindrance that got him to accomplish his goal that day. So wives, are you doing the same thing for your own husbands? Are you encouraging his dreams, hearts desires, goals, aims, purpose, calling and plan? Are you building him up or tearing him down? Are you inflating him with faith, or deflating him with doubt? Do you have his back, or have you turned your back? When he wants to throw in the towel, do you grab it, wipe his blood, sweat and tears, and push him back in the ring to keep fighting another round? Are you helping him, or hindering him? Are you assisting in his progression or are you the source of his regress? Can he bring his dreams that are the size of the galaxy to you, or does he go elsewhere because you shoot down what could’ve been his rising star?

Remember, she brings him good all the days of her life, would your husband be able to give the same testimony of you?

Now, there’s that picture of Caleb running on the beach, coming toward the finish line, tired, feeling like quitting. And suddenly he sees these words, “I love you, Caleb, you can do it babe.” It gave him incentive to cross the finish line. And the word “incentive” is defined as “a thing that motivates or encourages someone to action or increased effort.” Its Latin Origin “incentivum” means “something that sets the tune or incites.” In other words, Caleb wasn’t just running to the music coming from his headphones, but he was running to the tune of his wife’s encouragement. She was his “incentive” to make it to the finish line. Her encouragement set the tune or tone for his completion. A ‘tune’ is defined as, ‘a melody or melodious piece of music.’ It’s not nails on a chalkboard; it’s not complaining; it’s not nagging; it’s not bickering, cussing and yelling; it’s not the bark and bite of an angry pit-bull or the roar of a hungry lion! It’s a sound you want to hear; you need to hear; you love to hear. As a wife, what is the sound of your voice in your husband’s ear?

And truth is, it’s not hard to say loving things to your husband…when all is well. But that’s not the extent of your voice. You have to learn how to develop to the point that you can encourage him when you need encouragement yourself; you have to learn to have those melodious words of encouragement when the bills are due; when the kids are acting up in school; when your parents health is failing; when the washer and dryer broke down at the same time; when the food burned while you were ironing clothes. You have to maintain your sound even when the doctor doesn’t have a good report for you or him. Your tune sets the tone for your husband. Depending on your tune, you’ll either push him forward or push him away. After all, with someone telling you they love you and encouraging you to finish what you started because they believe you can, is great motivation! Who wouldn’t run towards that?

However, if he’s running in the opposite direction, you may want to check the “words of inspiration” that have been allowed to come out of your mouth! They may sound more like “nothing sweet” instead of “sweet nothings”!

Truth is, men love compliments just as much as any woman does. He desires to be told you like his hair cut, he’s handsome, he’s wearing that suit, he’s good at this or that. I promise you, you will be amazed at how much motivation moves a man when a compliment is given! And a compliment from his wife is better than a compliment from anyone else. You know why? Because she sees the sides of him, that no one else sees. She sees when he’s not in a good mood; when his attitude sucks; when his words are critical; when he paces the floor in worry or fear; when his teeth aren’t brushed; his hair isn’t combed; his body isn’t freshly out the shower; and when he’s not spic-and-span Sunday morning spotless! She hears the complaints, the anger, the frustrations, that few others hear. So when she can see ALL of that side of him, and still have a melodious tune of encouragement, he can trust her words like no other, because no other has seen him at his behind the scenes, closed doors worse, like she has! That’s why as wives, your tune can’t change based on situations, circumstances, emotions, moods and feelings. Your tune has to remain consistent. And the only way for that to be accomplished is by practice. So, whose feet are you sitting at, so you can learn how to walk as a better wife? Who do you have training you to win the game of marriage?

Now here’s a memory for a summer vacation scrapbook. You got kissed by a dolphin! Well, you may say, “No thank you”. But it happens to people every day at “Sea World”, a park where you can see whales and fish and seals do these amazing tricks. Those dolphins however, are something else! They will jump through hoops (I wish we could get kids to do that), they’ll dance on their tails, and oh yeah, did I mention jumping out of the water and kissing tourists?

But if you want to understand why they do all this neat stuff, you have to watch what they do after each trick. They swim around the pool and straight for the guy/girl with the bag! You know what’s in that bag. Fish! Yummy fish! If you want a dolphin to do something, give him a fish and he’ll do it again! As comical as it sounds, husbands are a lot like that! I really do think the male species of the human race has a lot in common with those dolphins at Sea World. You see, if you give them a “fish” when they do something good, they’ll want to jump through that hoop again and again!

Leo F. Buscaglia said it best: “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”               

Some women seem to believe that the best way to get their man to improve is to nag him into it, to shame him into it, or to criticize him into doing it. Well, I got news for you, the Bible describes two kinds of women in Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” God’s Word Translation says it like this: “The wisest of women builds up her home, but a stupid one tears it down with her own hands.” There are some things that a woman does that build the people she cares about, and there are others that like a demolition crew, just tear them completely down! That’s why it’s so important to keep in mind the following quote: “Many acts of service cost nothing and take little time: Encouragement, Compliments, Listening, Gratitude, and Compassion.” Complimenting your husband costs you Nothing, but it will Greatly Increase His Self-Worth and Value! Complimenting your husband takes No Time At All, but He Will Hold It Dear For a Lifetime! Chris Rock said: “There are only three things women need in life: Food, Water, and Compliments”. Well, as comical as it sounds, Men Need the Very Same Things!               

Now there’s no question that every man needs a lot of work (so do we women)! But if you approach your husband like your personal home improvement project, like “I’ve got to fix this guy!” you’ll probably keep him from changing! Is it stubbornness? Ego? Deafness? I’m not sure, but I do know that when a man is pushed, he tends to go the other way, not come in your direction!

Part of love is what I heard called “Mirroring” – which is holding up a mirror to the person you love and letting them know what you see when you look at them. Unfortunately, we tend to be a lot better at mirroring the things we Don’t like than some of the good things about that person that we Do. But it’s in affirming the good that we give a person the courage and the encouragement to work on the rest. Remember: “Everybody likes a compliment” (Abraham Lincoln). Even Mark Twain said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”               

 As a Wife, Your Greatest Blessing Comes From Blessing Your Own Husband!               

If you want to Improve Your Husband or Help Your Husband Become Better, Then Bring Him Good, Bring Him Value by Telling Him What’s Good about Him! Praise Him When He Does Something Right, Even If It’s Just a Small Improvement! Give Him a Fish (so to speak, like the Dolphins) If You Want Him To Do It Some More! Or, as one of my Mentors says, “Water What You Want To Grow.” When you consistently have a ministry of encouragement and affirmation in your husband’s life, he feels Safe! And a man won’t risk changing unless he’s in a place where he feels Safe! And if he feels Safe and Valued by You, he’s a lot more likely to listen when you need to tell him something that’s hard to hear! He’ll Know You Love Him and that You Want Him to Be the Best He Can Be! 

Speaking of being a ‘safe place’ for your husband. I remember the experience of sleeping with my husband for the first time. The most mentally exhausting part was knowing that I wasn’t comfortable in my own body. I didn’t like the little stretch marks; the acne etc. And I absolutely refused to sleep with him with the lights on, and I refused for him to see me get naked in front of him. I was insecure and fragile because of it. What caused me to change was my husband’s constant words of affirmation. It was the first time that I’d ever felt ‘safe’ with a man in such an intimate manner. My husband was a lot like Caleb’s wife, he would constantly reassure me in the areas where I felt most unsure. Wives, it’s important to do this for your husband’s too, especially if there’s an area that you’re believing God to change in him. No one likes to be exposed, especially when they know how many flaws they have. But I dare you to become your husband’s safe place and watch the change that takes place! 

Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth, had a wonderful outlook on this. She said, “It is my job to love Billy. It’s God’s job to change him!” That says it better than I ever could!               

Remember: You compliment him, and that will encourage him to let God change him!

Many men come home tired from the day’s journey of running here, there and everywhere. And few things mean more to a man than to know that he will find an “I love you” at the finish line. I think a man can handle almost anything if he’s sure that he will be safe and appreciated and loved when he gets home. You know, “All’s well that ends well.” Lots of pressure, lots of stress, but most men can handle it when they know there’s going to be security at the finish line.

And there are a lot of ways to say it to him. First, just verbally express it. And don’t just say, “I love you until further notice.” No, tell him often. Touch him affectionately. Provide peace in the house as much as possible when he arrives home; maybe that special meal or special card or special note. Now, it’s hard, because you’ve had a long run too. But God will give you strength to put your husband first when you feel like being first yourself.

I often hear, particularly in counseling sessions, that it’s the wife/mother that carries the whole household, and everything else. And for many, that may be the absolute truth. I’ve been in those shoes, and it’s a painful walk. But I also know that there are still good men/good husbands that are working just as hard as the women in their lives. And that should be acknowledged and celebrated. We do a lot of man bashing, but when do we do some man boasting? They’re not all bad. In fact, some are stay at home dads that take care of the kids, clean the house and cook. Others go to work, and bring home a paycheck that provides and protects their families. There are some at work, some at school, some in the military, some are CEO’s and some are janitors, and they are all good men and good husbands, that deserve their flowers, cards, candy and gifts too. Don’t let the world’s skewed view of such a beautiful holiday like Valentine’s Day for instance, cause you to think that it’s just for women alone. If you have good men in your life, especially good husbands, celebrate them (visibly, verbally and tangibly). Motivate them, encourage them, speak well of them, compliment them, love them, and do so publicly and privately. It’s what pushed Caleb, and it’s what presses the Dolphins to do trick after trick to make everyone happy, because there’s always a wonderful treat at the end.

Wise women, let’s build our houses and build our men/husbands and keep them safe, secure, intact, and strong. Maintain a great foundation of love, not just for one day, but for the other 365 as well. Everyday holds within it seconds, minutes, and hours of opportunity to show your love to your loved ones. Don’t let another moment pass by, because in a very untimely fashion, one of those seconds will be the last.

So, older women, get to work! There’s some younger wives that desperately need your wisdom to develop into better wives. There are even those who are yet to be wives, that need to see you walk this out in front of them so they know all the work that is to come, following the wedding day and honeymoon. Get on your post and teach and train wives to do what the bible says they are to do:

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so TRAIN the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

Older women, make sure you haven’t walked off the job as a wife trainer! It’s vital that you continue to teach what is good, and how younger wives are to love their husband and even their children. Yes, you have a full curriculum you need to teach so that we all become better women, wives and mothers. We need you to train us on how to be self-controlled in a world that’s so fleshly impulsive; teach us how to remain pure in a world that wants us to believe that contamination is NOT poison; teach us to be busy working at home, not just at our jobs, careers, churches and ministries, but teach us to take better care of our own homes! Teach us to be kind in a world that allows cruel to be the order of the day, every day. Teach us to be submissive to our own husbands, more-so than to any other man whether it be our pastor or boss! And why is all of this so important? So, ‘…that the Word of God may not be reviled.’

Let’s look at that verse in a few translations:

“…so that the Word of God will not be dishonored.” (AMP)

“…that the Word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited).” (AMPC)

“…so that God’s Word won’t be ridiculed.” (CEB)

“…Then no one can say insulting things about God’s message.” (CEV)

“…Then no one will be able to criticize the teaching God gave us.” (ERV)

“…Then no one can speak evil of God’s Word.” (GWT)

“…so that the Christian faith can’t be spoken against by those who know them.” (TLB)

“…We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior.” (MSG)

“…Then they will not bring shame on the Word of God.” (NLT)

Older women/wives, it is your responsibility to teach younger wives and train them well, because it is to protect the Reputation of God; the Word of God; and the Christian Faith as a whole! Any poor behavior of a wife reflects negatively on all of that! Older Women, don’t drop the ball, this is too important to treat carelessly. Therefore, today, Game On, Wife Trainers Let’s Get to Work! The Word of God is Counting on You!

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged #ShareTheWord

Feel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “Common Showering and Bathing Mistakes to Avoid”

Feel free to join us at: http://www.chefshermainesbiblecafe.home.blog Today’s Chef Special Word “FEAR”

LETS STAY CONNECTED!
Daily Dose With Dr. Shermaine: https://dailydosewithdrshermaine.wordpress.com
Facebook:  DrShermaine Franklin-Sanders
Instagram: dr_sys
LinkedIn:  Linkedin.com/in/dr-shermaine-y-franklin-sanders910019142/
Twitter: Dr_Shermaine
Pinterest: drsys321
Google: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+DrShermaineYFranklinSanders

“How God Makes a BIG Ego…small?”

 

Genesis 11:1-9, “Now the whole earth used the same language and the same words.  And as men traveled in the east, they found a valley in the land of Shinar and made their home there.  They said to one another, “Come, let us make blocks and burn them until they are hard.” They used blocks for stone, and tar to hold them together.  Then they said, “Come, let us build a city for ourselves, with a tower that touches the heavens. Let us make a name for ourselves, or else we may be sent everywhere over the whole earth.” Then the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the sons of men had built.  And the Lord said, “See, they are one people, and they all have the same language. This is only the beginning of what they will do. Now all they plan to do will be possible for them.  Come, let Us go down and mix up their language so they will not understand what each other says.”  So the Lord sent them everywhere over the whole earth. And they stopped building the city.  So the name of the city was Babel, because there the Lord mixed up the language of the whole earth. The Lord sent the people everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV)

Key Verse: Genesis 11:4, “Then they said, “Come, let us build a city FOR OURSELVES, with a tower that touches the heavens. Let us make a name FOR OURSELVES, or else we may be sent everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV) 

Louis Sullivan, the inventor of the modern skyscraper, said, “The tall building…should be a proud and soaring thing that makes a powerful appeal to the architectural imagination.”

Well, today, many women embody the same spirit of Pride and Self-Sufficiency that is represented in the lofty towers that make up our cities. Unfortunate as it may be, many Bible toting, Scripture quoting Women of God are Focused on Personal Perfection MORE THAN Pleasing the One Whom They Call Their “Personal Lord and Savior”.

Truth be told, there is a Multitude of Women who seek the pinnacle of age-defying beauty through creams, procedures or surgeries. Some even become obsessed with fashion or feel that they must conform to some media-driven image. Now, it’s one thing for the “World” to act in such a manner, but when the “Church” behaves in such a manner it Delivers a Critical Blow to the Conduct that is Called “Christ-Like”!  And as Women of God, We are Never Called to Compromise or Conform! Romans 12:1-2, “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (MSG)

However, as women, we’ve become so diligent in working on our outer man that the inner woman of God is slowly decaying! Yes, our make-up is flawless, our hair doesn’t have a strand out of place, our clothes have every “known” name across the country, our smiles are picture perfect, our speech drips with honey-flavored eloquence, we’ve mastered poise and yet we’ve become a slave to pretense!

We “look” so much the “part” that we no longer even know how to end the “scene” of “playing church” when Sunday’s “role” is over. And then matters are made worse because others believe the “role” of religion we “play”, and so they give us “standing ovations, grand applause, beautiful flowers thrown at our feet,” compliments instead of criticisms and pats on the back instead of swift kicks in the behind! Our egos are stroked while our spirits are struggling to survive the strangulation of conformity! Who we are is slowly dying because we continue to breathe life into who we “pretend” to be!

“God, Church and Hell are all real. People claim they love God, but is God in them? They go to church to play church. But if you go to hell will you still be playing?” (Author Unknown)

I don’t think we’re fully aware, ladies, of the dangers of “playing church”. We can pretend all day long here on earth, but there comes a day of reckoning, and God is not going to ask about who and what you pretended to be, but who you really are and what you really did! 2 Corinthians 5:9-10, “But neither exile nor homecoming is the main thing. Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. Sooner or later we’ll all have to face God, regardless of our conditions. We will appear before Christ and take what’s coming to us as a result of our actions, either good or bad.” (MSG) You have to get yourself together in this life, because the afterlife is too late! When you play with church, and play with your soul, you’re playing with your eternity! Today is the day we take off all the masks and stop with the pretense and get real! It’s time to work on ourselves, instead of simply covering up an ugly construction site of sin and foolishness. We’ve pretended to be healed, whole, saved and delivered for long enough. It’s time to get ourselves right before that last trumpet sounds! This is NOT a dress rehearsal! There are no shows and curtains in heaven waiting for you to come out playing a character instead of actually possessing character! 

But what you will have to embrace is that once you’ve pretended for so long, the real you gets lost! And people become comfortable and familiar with who you’ve pretended to be all this time. So it will not be an easy or quick process to unveiling the real you! But if you are to please God, it is a must!  

You see, gradually, over time, it becomes easier and easier to build monuments to ourselves. After all, as the famous ad says to women, “Because, I’m Worth It”. Well, the builders of the tower of Babel shared a key aspect of Sullivan’s vision of the tall building: PRIDE! And they had one purpose: TO BUILD A NAME FOR THEMSELVES! They wanted to claim glory that rightly belonged to God Alone – but after all, they ‘were worth it’ too, right?

However, the longing to climb higher than God didn’t begin in Babel. Before time began, Lucifer said, “…I will RAISE MY THRONE ABOVE THE STARS OF GOD; I will SIT ENTHRONED ON THE MOUNT OF ASSEMBLY, on the UTMOST HEIGHTS OF MOUNT ZAPHON” (Isaiah 14:13 NIV). And to this day, we still have women who are doing whatever it takes to raise themselves up to sit enthroned amongst the assembly and be treated as Queens of the utmost heights of elevations, promotions, titles and positions, rings, robes, and royal seating in the sanctuary!

So you see, it didn’t begin with Babel, BUT, it didn’t end with Babel, either. Here’s a little history for you. The pyramids of Egypt proclaim the power of the rulers buried beneath them. Many lives were lost in the building of the pyramids, “collateral damage” to the princes who built them. Often Egyptian slaves were killed when their masters died and were buried alongside them. But just as the Egyptian kings sacrificed everything to their own legacy, women often sacrifice the good of those around them for fleeting recognition, not to mention the humble spirit God desires. The rulers of ancient Egypt were not all-powerful – they died the deaths of mere men. So, don’t you dare be deceived, your soul will not be saved by flawless skin or the perfect career any more than the towering mountains of stone raised over the mummies of kings saved them!

Women of God, it’s one thing to have pride in yourself, your appearance and even your accomplishments. However, you must never let your pride get out of control. Don’t be like those who attempted to “BUILD FOR THEMSELVES” and “MAKE A NAME FOR THEMSELVES”! Truth is, It’s Not About You! Your Talent, Gifts, Skill-Set, Anointing etc…are for the Building of the Kingdom of God, Not a Personal Cathedral to You! Building a Legacy is not about Your Name being left behind for generations after you to talk about! A Legacy has Purpose; It Has Action! Legacy is for People who have Done Something! Your name on a building is useless, if what you Did wasn’t useful! Sisters, let your work speak for you, it has a loud and powerful voice that will not and cannot be silenced! 

However, you have to put in the work! And that work is not FOR you, it’s FROM you! It’s to build a better generation (not so you can take credit for it) but simply because you care about what the Lord’s heart desires. Every time Jesus came into a person’s life (even if it was briefly passing through it) their life was made better. They were made better. Ladies, if you want your name to say something, let it say Character; Integrity; Sincerity; Excellence; Modesty; Dignity; Help; Support. Let your name say something about what you Do for Others (that you look for no recognition or credit for). 

Women of God, the best handiwork is when your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing! “Our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch.” (Judy Blume) Which means we have to stop taking up so much of our time daily applying makeup and masks, so that we can put our hands to better use, as in touching the lives of others and leaving that as our legacy! Ego’s and pride have had us to focus on ourselves long enough!

Also, be careful not to lose yourself trying to find yourself in places God never intended you to be! Hint: lofty, high places certainly is not it! If you want to really find yourself, just locate the places your God has been (after all, you were made in His image and likeness). Remember, He dwells in Humility; He hangs around the Poor and Meek; He lends a Helping and Healing hand to those who are hurting and struggling. He’s aiding the bound to become free; He’s feeding the hungry and clothing the naked. He’s providing shelter for the homeless and a protective hedge for those under attack. 

Believe it or not, the real Heights are when you delve into the Depths of despair to help someone who cannot help themselves!

In closing, I understand the commercial ad “Because, I’m Worth It”. But that is a motto for the World! When it comes to Believers, our Motto is more like “Because, He’s Worth It!”  

So, what do you take pride in? What keeps you from glorifying God? Has your focus become self-absorbed? Have you become self-glorifying? If so, the solution to the problem is simple: Whatever is keeping you from God, give it to Him for His glory! Let your relationship with Jesus be the source of your significance. 

The Word of God does not lie, when you humble yourself Before God, He Will Lift You Up! However, a high ego will bring you down mighty low! 

“…Come, let Us go down and mix up their language so they will not understand what each other says.”  So the Lord sent them everywhere over the whole earth. And they stopped building the city.  So the name of the city was Babel, because there the Lord mixed up the language of the whole earth. The Lord sent the people everywhere over the whole earth.” (NLV)  

Don’t allow your pride and ego to steal your voice! There’s so much for you to speak into the lives of the current and future generations that you can’t afford to let your ego ‘babble’ your purpose. These were a people that were sent by the Lord everywhere over the whole earth. But what purpose did it serve them, since their language was mixed up and served nothing of value to themselves or to those generations to come. You have an opportunity to be sent to all the corners of the earth. In fact, you have that as a command!

Acts 1:7-8, “He told them, “You don’t get to know the time. Timing is the Father’s business. What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses IN JERUSALEM, ALL OVER JUDEA AND SAMARIA, EVEN TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD.” (MSG) 

Matthew 28:19-20, “Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train EVERYONE YOU MEET, FAR AND NEAR, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” (MSG) 

Mark 16:14-16, “Still later, as the Eleven were eating supper, he appeared and took them to task most severely for their stubborn unbelief, refusing to believe those who had seen him raised up. Then he said, “GO INTO THE WORLD. GO EVERYWHERE and announce the Message of God’s good news TO ONE AND ALL. Whoever believes and is baptized is saved; whoever refuses to believe is damned.” (MSG)

You can either maintain your ego and cause God to send your babbling, unproductive self all over the globe, or you could humble yourself and cause God to send you all over the globe fulfilling His Will and Purpose, however, the choice is always YOURS! You can have a global ministry that takes you all over the globe filled with purpose, or a global ministry that takes you all over the globe and it’s pointless.  

Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.” (AMP) So, what are you going to allow your ego to use your words for, death or life? Because as you go day-by-day in your work for the Lord, you will daily have to make that decision. And your ego or humility is the determining factor as to which it will be. 

Women of God, there’s nothing wrong with building, but it has to always keep God in proper perspective with every brick! Proverbs 16:3, “Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His Will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.” (AMPC) 

The danger for the people in our text was that they were focused on building for themselves and they failed. Just think of what you could accomplish and succeed at if only you’d keep the Lord as your tunnel vision focus?! Remember, no matter how the Lord chooses to use YOU, it is always about HIM! Don’t let your ego rob you of a great work you can accomplish for God. There are people who have need of you and all that God put in you. Don’t let your ego be the roadblock that keeps you from going forward into a fruitful destiny. Keep the Lord at the center, and everything else around you will fall into place and, “…so shall your plans be established and succeed.” Instead of “…and they stopped building the city…”  

Reflection Questions:

1. What kind of “towers” have you built? (your business, your career, your talents, your ministry etc…) Who really gets the glory from your labors, you or God?

2. Would those who know you best, say you are Selfless or Selfish?

3. If you had to be truthful with yourself, would you honestly say you are Selfless or Selfish?

4. How much time do you spend on beautifying your inner man compared to the time you spend beautifying your outer man?

5. How would you honestly handle working hard behind the scenes, and yet never having your name come up in the credits?

6. When is the last time you did something good for someone who still has no idea it was you?

7. Do you ever find yourself in comparison and competition with the “image of beauty” in the world? How do you handle it?

8. What does the word Legacy mean to you?

9. If there were only 3 things that someone would be able to share as your lasting legacy, what would those 3 things be?

10. If you were to be known for a specific Fruit of the Spirit, which would it be and why?

 

Psalm 86:8-10, “There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord. And there are no works like Yours.  All the nations You have made will come and worship before You, O Lord. And they will bring honor to Your name.  For You are great and do great things. You alone are God.” (NLV);

Proverbs 18:10-12, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The man who does what is right runs into it and is safe. The rich man’s money is his strong city, and he thinks it is like a high wall. The heart of a man is proud before he is destroyed, but having no pride goes before honor.” (NLV);

Matthew 23:12, “The person who thinks he is important will find out how little he is worth. The person who is not trying to honor himself will be made important.” (NLV)

1 Peter 3:1-6, “The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.” (MSG)

1 Timothy 2:8-10, “Since prayer is at the bottom of all this, what I want mostly is for men to pray—not shaking angry fists at enemies but raising holy hands to God. And I want women to get in there with the men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing the latest fashions but doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it.” (MSG)

Titus 2:1-6, “Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.” (MSG)

Proverbs 14:1, “The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], But the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles].” (AMP)

Proverbs 3:13-18, “You’re blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madame Insight. She’s worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her. With one hand she gives long life, with the other she confers recognition. Her manner is beautiful, her life wonderfully complete. She’s the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her. Hold her tight—and be blessed!” (MSG)

“The one sole thing in myself in which I glory is that I see in myself nothing in which I can glory” {Catherine of Genoa}

“Swallow your pride occasionally, it’s non-fattening!”  ~Author Unknown

“A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.”  ~Benjamin Franklin

“Humility is to make a right estimate of one’s self.”  ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon

“It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.”  ~Author Unknown

“It is always the secure who are humble.”  ~Gilbert Keith Chesterton

“Few are humble, for it takes a self-esteem few possess.” ~Robert Brault

“We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility.”  ~Rabindranath Tagore

“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.”  ~William Safire

“One learns to ignore criticism by first learning to ignore applause.”  ~Robert Brault

“Don’t look for more honor than your learning merits.”  ~Jewish Proverb

“The man who thinks he can live without others is mistaken; the one who thinks others can’t live without him is even more deluded.”  ~Hasidic Saying

“When someone sings his own praises, he always gets the tune too high.”  ~Mary H. Waldrip

“None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.”  ~Benjamin Whichcote

“People that put themselves above others will fall longer and harder.”  ~Gina Lindley

“When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it.”  ~Bernard Baily

Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged #BeHumble
Feel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “Foods You Can’t Stop Eating…That You Should!”

“The Importance of Wife Trainers”

Titus 2:3-5, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so TRAIN the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (ESV)

My friend Caleb is a beast of a trainer! Which is why I absolutely hate to attend any of his classes at the gym! In fact, I am indeed the worse client of all time! Don’t believe me? Listen, I have actually sat on the stationary bike (not moving) but eating Doritos while watching cartoons! And this is all during his session with the entire group of us! He’s even bought me a dunce cap to wear when I’m sent to time-out! I’m sent to time-out quite often, but that’s neither here nor there. I absolutely drive Caleb up a wall! But he’s dedicated indeed! However, he’s taken on quite a few extra responsibilities at work and in his church, so he’s slowed down…A LITTLE BIT!

Talking to him recently, he told me that his regular routine doesn’t allow him as much time for exercise as he’d like. In the past, when he had a few days away and his schedule permitted, he would enjoy doing some biking or hiking, or running. Of course, when you stop working out as vigorous as you once did, your body has a tendency to shift gears on you, without warning, and without a courtesy notice. In other words, he’s not as much beast now as he is teddy bear! He said, “my body told me, you not ready for this, you haven’t been working out lately. And so, I ended up hurting in places I didn’t even know I had places! But it’s good to get some extra exercise when you can anyhow”.

And one of those times came when Caleb and his wife Sierra were away, and he had a chance to do some jogging on the beach at sunrise. He was chugging along trying to cover those last few hundred yards, which seemed like the longest ever, while pounding back down the beach all tired and sweaty and disgusting. He said his muscles were screaming, “I demand you stop this foolishness right now!” And then he said “but I saw my wife in the distance. Well, that was a great motivation to finish, and to finish strong. So I kind of picked up the pace a little bit, and had almost reached her when I saw what she had written in huge letters in the sand, “I love you, Caleb, you can do it babe.” Oh boy, there it was! What a happy ending to my run. Pain and all, those few little words of love pushed me through the finish line.”

Caleb’s story (particularly his wife) reminds me of Titus 2:4-5 where there are actually instructions given to the older women in the church as to what they should, from their well of experience, TRAIN the younger women to be like. It says, “…then they can TRAIN the younger women…” That word ‘train’ is defined as, ‘to teach a person a particular skill or type of behavior through regular practice and instruction; to make someone become fit through a course of consistent exercise and diet; to make grow in a particular direction or into a required shape.’ In other words, this training is to be ongoing. It doesn’t stop just because someone gets married. All throughout the course of marriage, the older women are to continue to train; teach; instruct; on skill and behavior through consistent practice; so that the younger wives will learn how to grow in the right direction and develop into the required ‘shape’ for her own husband. Notice what they are to TRAIN them to do, “…love their husbands and children. To be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the Word of God.”

Actually, this passage is referring to two generations of loving wives, because obviously the older women had to do it in order to be able to teach and train it to the younger women. Therefore, in both generations, the very same admonishment is given, “…Love your husband…”

Proverbs 31, that great description of the woman every godly woman wants to be, says about her in verse 12. “She brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Another translation reads, “She will not hinder him but help him all her life.” (TLB) That word “hinder” is defined as “to delay or impede”. Its Old English Origin literally means “to damage.” Can you imagine if Caleb’s wife “hindered” him as he was running toward his goal? Ultimately, she would have caused him damage. Now, that word “impede” is defined as “to delay or block the progress or action of.” It’s Latin Origin “impedire” literally means “to shackle the feet of”. How can you possibly have a goal of running to the finish line when you’re attached to someone who’s like “shackles on your feet?” Can you imagine if Caleb’s wife was at the finish line yelling, “why are you even here? You can’t do this? You can’t accomplish this? This is too big of a task for you? You’re not ready for this? You do remember how old you are right? Don’t you see the other younger, stronger and more fit men running down this beach? Go somewhere grab a snickers and take the break your body needs before it takes one without your permission!”

I wouldn’t exactly call that motivation, encouragement, help or love! That’s shackles at their best! As out of shape, and tired, and in pain as Caleb was, it was his wife’s Help not Hindrance that got him to accomplish his goal that day. So wives, are you doing the same thing for your own husbands? Are you encouraging his dreams, hearts desires, goals, aims, purpose, calling and plan? Are you building him up or tearing him down? Are you inflating him with faith, or deflating him with doubt? Do you have his back, or have you turned your back? When he wants to throw in the towel, do you grab it, wipe his blood, sweat and tears, and push him back in the ring to keep fighting another round? Are you helping him, or hindering him? Are you assisting in his progression or are you the source of his regress? Can he bring his dreams that are the size of the galaxy to you, or does he go elsewhere because you shoot down what could’ve been his rising star? Remember, she brings him good all the days of her life, would your husband be able to give the same testimony of you?

Now, there’s that picture of Caleb running on the beach, coming toward the finish line, tired, feeling like quitting. And suddenly he sees these words, “I love you, Caleb, you can do it babe.” It gave him incentive to cross the finish line. And the word “incentive” is defined as “a thing that motivates or encourages someone to action or increased effort.” Its Latin Origin “incentivum” means “something that sets the tune or incites.” In other words, Caleb wasn’t just running to the music coming from his headphones, but he was running to the tune of his wife’s encouragement. She was his “incentive” to make it to the finish line. Her encouragement set the tune or tone for his completion. A ‘tune’ is defined as, ‘a melody or melodious piece of music.’ It’s not nails on a chalkboard; it’s not complaining; it’s not nagging; it’s not bickering, cussing and yelling; it’s not the bark and bite of an angry pit-bull or the roar of a hungry lion! It’s a sound you want to hear; you need to hear; you love to hear. As a wife, what is the sound of your voice in your husband’s ear? And truth is, it’s not hard to say loving things to your husband when all is well. But that’s not the extent of your voice. You have to learn how to develop to the point that you can encourage him when you need encouragement yourself; you have to learn to have those melodious words of encouragement when the bills are due; when the kids are acting up in school; when your parents health is failing; when the washer and dryer broke down at the same time; when the food burned while you were ironing clothes. You have to maintain your sound even when the doctor doesn’t have a good report for you or him. Your tune sets the tone for your husband. Depending on your tune, you’ll either push him forward or push him away. After all, with someone telling you they love you and encouraging you to finish what you started because they believe you can, is great motivation! Who wouldn’t run towards that?

However, if he’s running in the opposite direction, you may want to check the “words of inspiration” that have been allowed to come out of your mouth! They may sound more like “nothing sweet” instead of “sweet nothings”! Truth is, men love compliments just as much as any woman does. He desires to be told you like his hair cut, he’s handsome, he’s wearing that suit, he’s good at this or that. I promise you, you will be amazed at how much motivation moves a man when a compliment is given! And a compliment from his wife is better than a compliment from anyone else. You know why? Because she sees the sides of him, that no one else sees. She sees when he’s not in a good mood; when his attitude sucks; when his words are critical; when he paces the floor in worry or fear; when his teeth aren’t brushed; his hair isn’t combed; his body isn’t freshly out the shower; and when he’s not spic-and-span Sunday morning spotless! She hears the complaints, the anger, the frustrations, that few others hear. So when she can see ALL of that side of him, and still have a melodious tune of encouragement, he can trust her words like no other, because no other has seen him at his behind the scenes, closed doors worse, like she has! That’s why as wives, your tune can’t change based on situations, circumstances, emotions, moods and feelings. Your tune has to remain consistent. And the only way for that to be accomplished is by practice. So, whose feet are you sitting at, so you can learn how to walk as a better wife? Who do you have training you to win the game of marriage?

Now here’s a memory for a summer vacation scrapbook. You got kissed by a dolphin! Well, you may say, “No thank you”. But it happens to people every day at “Sea World”, a park where you can see whales and fish and seals do these amazing tricks. Those dolphins however, are something else! They will jump through hoops (I wish we could get kids to do that), they’ll dance on their tails, and oh yeah, did I mention jumping out of the water and kissing tourists?

But if you want to understand why they do all this neat stuff, you have to watch what they do after each trick. They swim around the pool and straight for the guy with the bag! You know what’s in that bag. Fish! Yummy fish! If you want a dolphin to do something, give him a fish and he’ll do it again! As comical as it sounds, husbands are a lot like that! I really do think the male species of the human race has a lot in common with those dolphins at Sea World. You see, if you give them a “fish” when they do something good, they’ll want to jump through that hoop again and again!

Leo F. Buscaglia said it best: “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”               

Some women seem to believe that the best way to get their man to improve is to nag him into it, to shame him into it, or to criticize him into doing it. Well, I got news for you, the Bible describes two kinds of women in Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” God’s Word Translation says it like this: “The wisest of women builds up her home, but a stupid one tears it down with her own hands.” There are some things that a woman does that build the people she cares about, and there are others that like a demolition crew, just tear them completely down! That’s why it’s so important to keep in mind the following quote: “Many acts of service cost nothing and take little time: Encouragement, Compliments, Listening, Gratitude, and Compassion.” Complimenting your husband costs you Nothing, but it will Greatly Increase His Self-Worth and Value! Complimenting your husband takes No Time At All, but He Will Hold It Dear For a Lifetime! Chris Rock said: “There are only three things women need in life: Food, Water, and Compliments”. Well, as comical as it sounds, Men Need the Very Same Things!               

Now there’s no question that every man needs a lot of work (so do we women)! But if you approach your husband like your personal home improvement project, like “I’ve got to fix this guy!” you’ll probably keep him from changing! Is it stubbornness? Ego? Deafness? I’m not sure, but I do know that when a man is pushed, he tends to go the other way, not come in your direction!

Part of love is what I heard called “Mirroring” – which is holding up a mirror to the person you love and letting them know what you see when you look at them. Unfortunately, we tend to be a lot better at mirroring the things we Don’t like than some of the good things about that person that we Do. But it’s in affirming the good that we give a person the courage and the encouragement to work on the rest. Remember: “Everybody likes a compliment” (Abraham Lincoln). Even Mark Twain said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”               

 As a Wife, Your Greatest Blessing Comes From Blessing Your Own Husband!               

If you want to Improve Your Husband or Help Your Husband Become Better, Then Bring Him Good, Bring Him Value by Telling Him What’s Good about Him! Praise Him When He Does Something Right, Even If It’s Just a Small Improvement! Give Him a Fish (so to speak, like the Dolphins) If You Want Him To Do It Some More! Or, as one of my Mentors says, “Water What You Want To Grow.” When you consistently have a ministry of encouragement and affirmation in your husband’s life, he feels Safe! And a man won’t risk changing unless he’s in a place where he feels Safe! And if he feels Safe and Valued by You, he’s a lot more likely to listen when you need to tell him something that’s hard to hear! He’ll Know You Love Him and that You Want Him to Be the Best He Can Be! 

Speaking of being a ‘safe place’ for your husband. I remember the experience of sleeping with my husband for the first time. The most mentally exhausting part was knowing that I wasn’t comfortable in my own body. I didn’t like the little stretch marks; the acne etc. And I absolutely refused to sleep with him with the lights on, and I refused for him to see me get naked in front of him. I was insecure and fragile because of it. What caused me to change was my husband’s constant words of affirmation. It was the first time that I’d ever felt ‘safe’ with a man in such an intimate manner. My husband was a lot like Caleb’s wife, he would constantly reassure me in the areas where I felt most unsure. Wives, it’s important to do this for your husband’s too, especially if there’s an area that you’re believing God to change in him. No one likes to be exposed, especially when they know how many flaws they have. But I dare you to become your husband’s safe place and watch the change that takes place! 

Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth, had a wonderful outlook on this. She said, “It is my job to love Billy. It’s God’s job to change him!” That says it better than I ever could!               

Remember: You compliment him, and that will encourage him to let God change him!

Many men come home tired from the day’s journey of running here, there and everywhere. And few things mean more to a man than to know that he will find an “I love you” at the finish line. I think a man can handle almost anything if he’s sure that he will be safe and appreciated and loved when he gets home. You know, “All’s well that ends well.” Lots of pressure, lots of stress, but most men can handle it when they know there’s going to be security at the finish line.

And there are a lot of ways to say it to him. First, just verbally express it. And don’t just say, “I love you until further notice.” No, tell him often. Touch him affectionately. Provide peace in the house as much as possible when he arrives home; maybe that special meal or special card or special note. Now, it’s hard, because you’ve had a long run too. But God will give you strength to put your husband first when you feel like being first yourself.

I often hear, particularly in counseling sessions, that it’s the wife/mother that carries the whole household, and everything else. And for many, that may be the absolute truth. I’ve been in those shoes, and it’s a painful walk. But I also know that there are still good men/good husbands that are working just as hard as the women in their lives. And that should be acknowledged and celebrated. We do a lot of man bashing, but when do we do some man boasting? They’re not all bad. In fact, some are stay at home dads that take care of the kids, clean the house and cook. Others go to work, and bring home a paycheck that provides and protects their families. There are some at work, some at school, some in the military, some are CEO’s and some are janitors, and they are all good men and good husbands, that deserve their flowers, cards, candy and gifts too. Don’t let the world’s skewed view of such a beautiful holiday like Valentine’s Day for instance, cause you to think that it’s just for women alone. If you have good men in your life, especially good husbands, celebrate them (visibly and tangibly). Motivate them, encourage them, speak well of them, compliment them, love them, and do so publicly and privately. It’s what pushed Caleb, and it’s what presses the Dolphins to do trick after trick to make everyone happy, because there’s always a wonderful treat at the end.

Wise women, let’s build our houses and build our men/husbands and keep them safe, secure, intact, and strong. Maintain a great foundation of love, not just for one day, but for the other 365 as well. Everyday holds within it seconds, minutes, and hours of opportunity to show your love to your loved ones. Don’t let another moment pass by, because in a very untimely fashion, one of those seconds will be the last.

So, older women, get to work! There’s some younger wives that desperately need your wisdom to develop into better wives. There are even those who are yet to be wives, that need to see you walk this out in front of them so they know all the work that is to come, following the wedding day and honeymoon. Get on your post and teach and train wives to do what the bible says they are to do:

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so TRAIN the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

Older women, make sure you haven’t walked off the job as a wife trainer! It’s vital that you continue to teach what is good, and how younger wives are to love their husband and even their children. Yes, you have a full curriculum you need to teach so that we all become better women, wives and mothers. We need you to train us on how to be self-controlled in a world that’s so fleshly impulsive; teach us how to remain pure in a world that wants us to believe that contamination is NOT poison; teach us to be busy working at home, not just at our jobs, careers, churches and ministries, but teach us to take better care of our own homes! Teach us to be kind in a word that allows cruel to be the order of the day, every day. Teach us to be submissive to our own husbands, more-so than to any other man whether it be our pastor or boss! And why is all of this so important? So, ‘…that the Word of God may not be reviled.’ Let’s look at that verse in a few translations:

“…so that the Word of God will not be dishonored.” (AMP)

“…that the Word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited).” (AMPC)

“…so that God’s Word won’t be ridiculed.” (CEB)

“…Then no one can say insulting things about God’s message.” (CEV)

“…Then no one will be able to criticize the teaching God gave us.” (ERV)

“…Then no one can speak evil of God’s Word.” (GWT)

“…so that the Christian faith can’t be spoken against by those who know them.” (TLB)

“…We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior.” (MSG)

“…Then they will not bring shame on the Word of God.” (NLT)

Older women/wives, it is your responsibility to teach younger wives and train them well, because it is to protect the Reputation of God; the Word of God; and the Christian Faith as a whole! Any poor behavior of a wife reflects negatively on all of that! Older Women, don’t drop the ball, this is too important to treat carelessly. Therefore, today, Game On, Wife Trainers Let’s Get to Work! The Word of God is Counting on You!

 Much Love, Dr. Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged
Feel free to also join us at: http://www.selfcarewithdrshermaine.blogspot.com Today’s Lesson: “How Your Personality Can Affect Your Health?”